tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16135541883063403612024-03-12T17:47:52.128-07:00Modern.Mosaic.MomMiss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-42146144077870737322014-10-03T15:53:00.000-07:002014-10-03T15:53:18.602-07:00Trusting Through the TirednessI'm tired.<br>
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Worse, I know you can relate. We spend a whole lot of our time going and doing and running and...and...and.... that it becomes overwhelming, tiring, and makes us feel like we can't catch our breath. And that's where I find myself today. Not because today was a particularly hard or taxing. I went to work and got a lot done, but it was all done at a normal/sane pace. <br>
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I'm overwhelmed because I looked at my calendar for this weekend and was appalled by the amount of STUFF I had to do. No, strike that, the amount of stuff I have the opportunity to do. Tomorrow was definitely the most overwhelming. I know that there are seasons where we go through life going and doing and being, but there are days, like today, where I look at my calendar and wonder how it is that Webster hasn't called me to ask permission to give my scheduled as an example for "crazy". Perhaps they should just use one of my selfies. <br>
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When I posted on FB about the crazy schedule, a dear sweet friend, Jennifer over at http://www.runningpastormom.com, commented that maybe I should not do some stuff. I love how wise she is. But she reminded me that all of my plans (okay, most of them) are optional and that I am one person doing the job of many, and sometimes I really just can't do EVERYTHING.<br>
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So, I made a decision. I'm just not going to do everything that I have the opportunity to do. I was going to get a TV from a friend tomorrow, but opted for today instead. When I got down to her neighborhood, I was early and decided to take a walk and just breathe. She lives in a tired neighborhood - have you ever heard of neighborhoods referred to as that? I have, and I have been in a few, but it seemed very apt that I was in a tired neighborhood, taking a walk. I even took a picture for you:<br>
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It's a very quaint neighborhood, and as I was walking, I was praying; praying for my Tuesday Women's Bible Study gals, praying for my choir people, praying for my Thursday Bible study group...and then I turned another corner in the neighborhood, and as I was staring to pray over things in my life, I came upon a cute little church with a very simple sign:<br>
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Sometimes God answers you by placing people and/or things in your life, and sometimes He spells it out for you. He knows me well.<br>
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While things in my life sometimes seem crazy and my prayers go unanswered, I know it's not because God doesn't know or care, because I know He knows and cares more than I could ever understand. Sometimes He just wants us to trust Him with our mundane while He works out the bigger things.<br>
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As for me, you will find me behind my sewing machine for a time, and then curled up with my son and pup, watching a movie and enjoying what God is doing in our lives.<br>
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God bless you my friends.Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-12726364949112370072014-09-20T21:11:00.000-07:002014-09-20T21:28:08.915-07:00Knocking The Dust OffI'm blogging tonight because, well, I miss writing off the cuff. Whether or not anyone reads this is negligible, really. I miss writing. I miss this creative outlet that purges the soul. Tonight, as I was on my way to the emergency vet, with the pup we got less than a month ago, I was thinking about this post, and I was thinking about why I write, and I realized that I write because life is overwhelming. I write a LOT because life is VERY overwhelming.<br>
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In the last couple of years since I stopped blogging, I have gone through therapy, semi-starting a quilting/sewing business, a very stupid (but thankfully short lived) relationship, dealing with the issues surrounding my weight, and getting a dog. That's a lot in 2 years. And it is why I am writing.<br>
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The newest addition is the dog. His name is Justice and he is pekingese/beagle mix. Barking is at a minimum, but MERCY is he stubborn! And expensive. My finances haven't caught up with the newest member of our household (the dog), so things are tight right now, but after a LOT of prayer and many tears and a good measure of stress and anxiety, I'm at a place of peace. God has come through in some very big ways in the past, so I am at a place of trust. Trusting that He will be glorified through my circumstances.<br>
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My son and the dog are best of friends. This is my first dog as an adult, and my son's first dog ever. They are pretty well bonded, which is nice, but with these recent medical issues with the pup, he will be spending LOADS of time in his kennel for the next couple of weeks, so hopefully after he is healed and back on all four feet (I will gracefully spare you the details, but trust me, you don't want to know), we can resume bonding and cuddling.<br>
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I'll write about the quilting/sewing thing and the weight thing in future posts (at least I have topics ready to go, right?), but for now, I pray that you are well and that God shows up in your life in ways that are tailored especially for you! <br>
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Good night friends!Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-56169906292037246692012-06-27T05:18:00.000-07:002012-06-27T05:18:33.860-07:00What if....What if....What if....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Last night I went to small group and we were looking at 1 Corinthians 8-16. After reading chapter 15 out loud, we started discussing what heaven would look like. Not that any of us can imagine what it will be like, but we each threw a bit of ourselves into it.<br/>
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I had to leave early, and as I was on my way home (and thankful for the extended drive), I just started asking God to give me a glimpse of what that will look like. Of course where He leaned on my heart was not a physical place, but questions started flowing...<br/>
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What would it look like for no hatred to exist? No hurts from the past, no anger, no frustration? How would I act? How would I look? What would it look like for me to not have these learned behaviors that are detrimental and self depreciating? No more little doubts whispering in my ear, no more echos from the past telling me I'm not good enough? No more insecurities to hold me back? .....<br/>
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What would it look like for me to be completely surrendered of myself?<br/>
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That is the big question right there. That's what God asks us to do - give up ourselves and serve Him and His purposes. What would I look like, how would I feel, and how would I act if I were completely surrendered and not serving anything other than God?<br/>
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Well, that's the million dollar question that I'm pondering on. What does that look like and how can I die to myself to serve God's greater purpose?<br/>
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And with that, I am off to work. Have an awesome day friends!Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-85976394217278820052012-06-06T19:47:00.000-07:002012-06-06T19:47:34.152-07:00I get down, He lifts me up...<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AG4CdxiwtCE/T9AV9aU8s2I/AAAAAAAAAG0/vIB9aS08ZLU/s1600/refining.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AG4CdxiwtCE/T9AV9aU8s2I/AAAAAAAAAG0/vIB9aS08ZLU/s320/refining.jpg" /></a>
"This valley is so deep, I can barley see the sun, I cry out for mercy Lord, and You lift me up again!" I so enjoy Audio Adrenaline. I actually like a whole lot of Christian bands, but this just happens to be the song I'm listening to right now (titled "Get Down" for those that are curious).<br/>
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Gosh, where to start on what God has been showing me and teaching me lately. I'll start out by saying that I will not make a sweeping generalization, because the only person I know how anything feels like is me, so if this speaks to your heart, praise the Lord! If it doesn't, then maybe this will expand your thinking and bring someone else to mind! <br/>
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So, when I am purposeful about getting in the Word, spending time in silence (mind and mouth silence - hard to do - trust me - I know) just listening for God to speak into me, praying, and being in community with other believers (not just the kind you pass in the hallway at church on your way to Mi Cocina or McDonalds), I grow....A LOT. This is why it is sometimes hard for me to post a blog because I don't know what to say or how to express what God has impressed on my heart.<br/>
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Frankly, I also pray before posting so I can make sure that my words are salt and light and not death and destruction. <br/>
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So tonight a thought occurred to me that may offend some, but, well, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world." John 16:33. That's something my son learned and memorized from church. I LOVE that he is doing scripture memorization! It encourages me to learn with him! It also helps him hide God's Word in his heart for those times of trouble!<br/>
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On with it then. "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2 - NIV(1984). A thought occurred to me as I was churning on this tonight. How EASY is it for non-believers to blend in with this world. And how pitifully hard it is for Jesus seeking people to move through this world. Impacting this world for God's glory (and trying to figure out how to not take credit for every good thing in our lives - something that ever Christian I know struggles with - even if it is once every ten years or so ;) )<br/>
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God asks His people to not conform to the patterns of this world. What are the patterns? (Forgive me if I side-step some hot button current affairs in this list): Vulgarity, addiction, obesity, self-centeredness, judgmental attitudes, self-serving attitudes (maybe goes along with self-centered?)....and the list goes on. As a Christian, I am called to be selfless, loving, caring, and be salt and light to the world around me. One by one, God is so very graciously working my addictions out of me. I don't hardly drink (and I no longer find any fun in being drunk), I have not smoked in 5 months and a 1 day as of today (!!!!), I have overcome the cycle of loneliness, and God is working on a list of other things with me, but today I feel more hopeful than I think I ever have in those other things.<br/>
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Why? Because last night I came to realize that I don't have to be ashamed for my shortfalls. I'm not ashamed because I am finally opening my eyes nice and wide to the fact that I HAVE faults and that God loves me enough to work through them with me...and that He is PATIENT. I also realize that shame isn't from God. It's not. Shame is from the enemy that wants to keep rubbing my face in the same excrement to remind me, "Remember what you did?" "Remember those horrible things you said?" "God can't love someone like you that has all these faults, that has done all these things." "Remember what that person did to you? How can you forgive them??" <br/>
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No, shame and regret are not emotions from God. How do I know? Because God loves. Above all, He is love. I'm not saying that God isn't vengeful, because, OH BOY - I have read most of the Old Testament as well as most of the New Testament and I have a very healthy fear of God's vengeance (especially when it comes to willfull sinning), but I have seen too many things work out in my life to be anything but grateful for God's grace and love for me. I can't deny it. Had I gotten what I deserved, I certainly wouldn't be sitting where I am with the son that I have and the things that I have and the amazing friends that I have. Because I don't deserve ANY of it. Having this realization, "things" have started having less and less hold on me. I'd rather just have the bare necessities, knowing that others were able to have because of my giving it up.<br/>
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I guess I've started worshiping the Creator over the created. :) God gives us stuff because He knows that stuff makes us happy. This fallen world just perverts it into making idols out of "stuff" and distracting us from God's good, pleasing and perfect will. <br/>
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"A big big house, with lots and lots of room. A big big table, with lots and lots of food. A big big yard, where we can play football. A big big house...It's my Father's house." I love that I am ending this post on this song. Another Audio Adrenalin song at that! ("Big House"). I love that I serve a God that loves. A God that extends Grace. A God that is patient. A God that wants only His good and perfect name to be glorified, and not a fallible human to be glorified. <br/>
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God bless each of you my friends!Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-5646211634765668932012-05-24T10:12:00.000-07:002012-05-24T10:12:17.798-07:00ComparisonsAs I sit here and contemplate something God just opened my eyes to recently, I wonder if I have done a post about this in the past. I'll have to go back and look later. I don't want that post (if one does, in fact, exist) to alter this one.
I have recently discovered that I went from comparing myself physically (which, to some extent, I still do) to other people, to comparing myself spiritually to those in my small group. Why do I do that? I think it's just human nature, and it is also because I look up to those in my group. I adore each of them and they make me want to be a better person, to grow my faith, but then something this morning kind of altered that.
I was talking to one of my friends (whom also happens to be my son's mentor) while we were waiting for my son's Kindergarten Award ceremony to being, and he was sharing with me what was going on in his world and I was thinking, "Oh my goodness, should I be doing the same thing?!?" And that's when the thought occurred to me: Why am I comparing myself and my spiritual growth and spiritual walk to flawed human beings? I love each of them like I have loved few others in my life, but they are, for all intended purposes, wonderfully flawed and beautifully made that way.
I then started asking myself: Well, if you shouldn't put compare yourself to them, who SHOULD you compare yourself to? Well, the honest answer is quite easy: Jesus. I say this with a lot of weight behind it. Some people may read this and think that I hope to achieve perfection. I don't. I'm flesh and blood and born in sin and will die a sinner, but a reformed sinner, someone who is, hopefully, striving to get the sin out of my life every day.
Some days I will fail. Other days I will fail miserably. And I will have some victories mixed in there as well, but I strive to not let my sin go unchecked because I have seen what that does and, well, let me just say that you will never know the hurt that your sin can cause in others if left unchecked and free to grow.
So, today, I am making a concerted effort to not compare myself to anyone other than what Jesus did while He was here. And every day I pray that my life will be a bright shining beacon for the lost and the seeking, reflecting God's grace, because I can honestly say that where I am in life now is ONLY because of God's grace, and not because of anyone else or anything that I have done.
All for Him - BrandyMiss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-59474563486873034642012-05-13T16:03:00.000-07:002012-05-13T16:03:15.076-07:00No Duty To SinOkay, let me kind of recap what I have been up to the last couple of months. God has been helping me discover things about myself and my life that I needed to remove so I could have a more authentic relationship with Him. One of those things - well, I guess this is less like showing me what I need to remove (which He has already helped me through), but more of a refinement of that lesson.
The lesson I am talking about is loneliness. For...gosh...probably since puberty, I went through seasons of feeling lonely. If I was with someone when this season hit, it always spelled trouble for the relationship. The guy was never good enough. He could have been the most amazing and giving and sensitive guy on the planet, and he couldn't "fix" me. When it got bad enough, when the pressure of me making the poor guys perform to make me happy coupled with their feelings of inadequacy collided, well, the relationship ended and it was usually quite poorly.
Related to this, something came across my mind yesterday - much thanks to John Piper. <To do a basic recap - I LOVE quilting - so I was quilting yesterday and listening to a sermon by John Piper.> In this sermon, he stated, “Sin is what you do when your heart is not satisfied with God. No one sins out of duty. We sin because it holds out some promise of happiness. That promise enslaves us until we believe God is more to be desired than life itself.” (you can find the sermon here: http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/no-one-will-take-your-joy-from-you
Can anyone say PROFOUND?!?!?
Seriously, I stopped sewing, rewound it, and listened again...and then again. And then I wrote it down. Now, since this is still very fresh in my brain, I may not expand on it all that well, but I'm going to give it a shot anyway.
What is sin? Anything that takes your affections away from God. Food, sex, drugs, alcohol, video games, sleep, friends, family (yes, I said it), movies, sports, clothes, makeup, cars, partying, working out, laziness, money, jobs, volunteering, people pleasing....there are probably just as many to list as there are people that exist, these are just the ones that come to mind immediately.
Let me take an example from my own life: Being in a relationship. Okay, God made us relational people. He created Adam, but Adam being alone wasn't good, so God created a helpmate, Eve. And things were perfect, and then they weren't. Some people in the Bible (take Paul for example) were meant to be alone. Not that they were ALONE alone, because they were relational to other people on a non-romantic level, but they were alone in the relationship department. And they were satisfied with that because they could serve the Lord without hindrance. Now, that is the right way to look at not being in a relationship. And then there is me who went through seasons of loneliness because I saw that I was alone and I felt like my "situation" (aka: my LIFE) was broken.
For three months, God took me through my past and was gracious enough to show me why men in the past RAN FOR THEIR LIVES from me. Seriously, I can't say that I blame them after examining my past behavior. Needy, empty, and broken. Kind of like a train wreck with less steel involved.
But then He did something even more amazing. He showed me that my life without the circumstances DOES MATTER! That I have a life that doesn't revolve around anyone or anything! And He even showed me how the life I have is beneficial. I don't have to ask for permission to quilt, I don't have anyone else to make plans for me, I don't have to deal with the finances of two people, the stresses of two people, cleaning up after more people, cooking for more people, the dreaded "in-law's", etc... I quilt when I am able (which is fairly frequently), I only have to clean up after my son and I, cook for my son and I, and I can volunteer whenever I want. Sweet set up!
Does this mean that I want to be single for the rest of my life? No. God put it in me from a very young age that I want to get married, however I am not going to allow that feeling to override my love and devotion to Him. I know that there is no man on this planet that can sustain me like God can. To refine that a little more, while I will go on dates from time to time, if the guy that I am on a date with isn't as strong in his faith as I am, or stronger, I won't go on a second date with him. Though it would feel good to my flesh to keep the dude around, I know that, ultimately, it wouldn't work out.
The next sin that I am working on? Food. Overeating, to be exact. This is something that is new for me to work on, but I have a feeling that God will get me through it just as He got me through loneliness. The more I allow Him to change me, the more I trust Him to do so lovingly.
So, overeating will be the next area of my life that I ask God to work on with me. And I could go on and on, but I fear this is already a long enough post. I will leave you here, praying that the words I was inspired to write will help you start down the path of understanding what may be hindering you from getting out of the pit you are in and moving on to the next amazing time in your life.
Much love
BrandyMiss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-39770279079504699702012-03-29T18:00:00.002-07:002012-03-30T10:57:53.558-07:00MasterpieceSo God has been teaching me a lot lately. One thing that is new today is to never underestimate how much God can work in your life. As human beings, we tend to want to only handle one thing at a time. Work on our weight. Great, got that under control, now over to working on our family. Sweet! They are happy, now over to our jobs. Okay, got that under control and I got a promotion because I rock...oh crap, now my weight is creeping back up! Back to the weight thing...<br /><br />Sigh.<br /><br />Do you ever get tired of that cycle? I know I do, and have. Last year I had a lot of success with losing weight, but that was all I focused on. When things at work went haywire, I focused on that. Then the kid needed some attention, so I focused on him. Now I'm back to the weight thing. :\<br /><br />I know God can do better than this. Problem is, I wasn't bringing Him into it completely, so I pretty much gave up on the diet/exercise thing, chilled with the kid, made sure things at work were running smoothly.<br /><br />Well, now God wants more. He wants me to look at my house and see how much excess I have and how much I am NOT taking care of it. He reminded me that if I don't take care of what He has blessed me with, He has no intention of giving me more. I can't say that I blame him. If you gave your kid $100 and they went out and bought $95.00 worth of candy, you probably wouldn't be fumbling to get your wallet out to give them more money any time soon. My health is the same way. I have excess weight and I am not taking care of my body accordingly. No bueno.<br /><br />As I was fasting on Monday, God made it clear that He wants me to get rid of my excess. Problem is I collect things. Not up to hoarding standards yet, but it is hard for me to let go of stuff. I know it is because the first six years of my life was spent in a trailer on my grandparent's land wearing third generation clothes from Goodwill, but, really, it's been a couple of decades since then, so it's time for me to get over it and trust.<br /><br />So I have been systematically doing that over the last couple of days. So far I have gotten rid of 8 bags of stuff - ranging from kitchen stuff to clothes to blankets to sheets.... That's just two rooms of the house. :) There is going to be more to go, and some decisions are going to be hard, but that's okay. <br /><br />On Tuesday night, my son was sick (has been sick since last Wednesday), so we skipped Bible study and chilled at home. I actually ran across the Skit Guy's "God's Chisel" skit that was remastered! I loved the original, so I was curious about the remastered version. (you can find the video on youtube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QCkBL2DfVg)<br /><br />I don't know if I can even do this video justice in how amazingly powerful it is. After watching it and then going to look at myself in the bathroom mirror and HONESTLY saying, "Brandy is God's original masterpiece," I lost it. Like, legs gave out, bawling, face on the ground, praying...lost it. <br /><br />It's hard to say that when you treat yourself like trash. When you think little of yourself, others will think little of you as well and treat you poorly. Why do I want to do that to myself?? No wonder I feel so under-valued! I couldn't even value myself! DumbDumbDumb....<br /><br />Ever since then, I have looked at myself in the mirror before I leave the house and say, "Brandy is God's original masterpiece." You know what? That has completely changed how I treat myself. It has changed what I put in my body. It has changed how I carry myself...but most of all, it has changed how I view God. It has also changed how I take care of my stuff. <br /> <br />If you Google "how to professionally restore paintings", you will not get something that says, "this is how you professionally restore a painting!" I tried and I didn't (maybe Google likes you more?). But one thing that kept being repeated: restore, preserve, protect. That actually sounds like what God does!<br /><br />(All definitions are couteousy of Miriam Webster Dictionary)<br /><br />Restore: (4) to bring back to an earlier and better condition<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">>>>>>then the LORD your God will restore your fortunes [Or will bring you back from captivity] and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you. Deuteronomy 30:3</span><br /><br />Preserve: (1) to keep in its original state or in good condition<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">>>>>>>>Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.” Matthew 9:17</span><br /><br />Protect: (1) to keep from being harmed, lost, etc...<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">>>>>>>>But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one. 2 Thessalonians 3:3</span><br /><br />So it looks like I have a little bit of journaling to do on this subject. A lot of hurts that I have to let go of, a lot of God's healing and grace to accept.<br /><br />Friends, just remember that you truly are one of God's original and amazing masterpieces! Be blessed!Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-38300040171424436342012-03-05T10:50:00.003-08:002012-03-05T11:20:41.771-08:00Irrational Fears Much?This is something that I have only recently decided, "I need to get this out in the open so God can cover it." Not that I haven't known this scripture, but here it is in reference:<br /><br />"For nothing is hidden except to be made manifest; nor is anything secret except to come to light." Mark 4:22<br /><br />So, when my son was born, I very much did not feel like his mom, though I carried him internally as God knit him together. There may have been many reasons for this, but, after reflecting on it, it was probably because I realized that I am the sole support of this child - emotional, physical, mental. All of it, ultimately (and in the eyes of the law), lands on me. His male genetic donor said from the very outset that he has no interest in having anything to do with either of us.<br /><br />Cool. He stayed in California. My son and I moved to Texas when I was six and a half months pregnant, where he was born just two short months later.<br /><br />Not only did I not feel like his mom, I was also quite scared of him. Not that he wasn't a good baby. He was actually an amazing baby!! Seriously, God orchestrated it to what I could handle. My son was also extremely beautiful to me. I'm guessing most people have this same feeling when it comes to their children, but I now TRULY understand "horribly beautiful". Looking at him freaked me out because he was just SO beautiful that it overwhelmed me. The love I had for that little form was just as scary and big.<br /><br />Here comes the irrational fear (as though the above wasn't irrational enough!). I fear(ed?) that I would raise a son that would end up being a serial murder. Why? I honestly couldn't tell you why. Maybe it is my love of CSI and Law and Order and reading medical thrillers and documentaries on serial killers (I was a morbid teenager). But I honestly feared that. <br /><br />I want my son to be balanced. I want him to be able to blend in with any crowd, but also be that beacon of light for God. Not the weird kid that walks around screaming "JEZABELL!!!" at girls who are kissing their boyfriends (or random men, as the case may be) and throwing Bibles at them.<br /><br />I think in a way, all parents fear raising a child that doesn't succeed. People tell me, "My child is the SMARTEST!" And I am so thankful God blessed them with an incredibly intelligent child! This world needs deep thinkers, just like it needs people with a heart. My son isn't going to win a Nobel Peace prize by the time he's 10 (unless it is in hugging!). He has average intelligence, however his heart is just absolutely mind-blowing and inspiring. It helps that he's awfully cute, but I have to push him in his studies. <br /><br />And sometimes I have to catch myself comparing him to other people's amazingly intelligent children. "Well, shouldn't he be able to do long division by now? He's six after all!" <br /><br />That is why I have begun the process of collecting letters from those that are close to him, all telling him what is RIGHT with him. This world is just so messed up and so very "What can you do for me?" and "How much can you earn?" and "How can you make it better/faster/easier/lighter/etc..?" That has led to a lot of messed up people because no one truly knows what is right with them. They keep changing, hoping that who they are going to become is going to be okay or acceptable.<br /><br />I dealt with that all my life, until a couple of weeks ago. God is just so good and so merciful! I have been wondering when who I am was going to be good enough to those around me. God showed me that who I am really is good enough and there is nothing I have to change to be better or gain acceptance. Not that this gives me license to walk around showing my butt and being arrogant or proud, "Well, this is me and if you don't like it, you can go *&^% yourself!" It gives me the ability to be humble about who I am, to show my true self without fear of rejection, to just be the humble, grace-given beggar who is trying to show other beggars where food is. (The definition of what a Christian is according to one of my very sweet friends and volleyball players during that season.)<br /><br />So there it is, published for the world to see. It makes me giggle now that I re-read it, but I also can't deny those emotions, and I'm kind of tired of carrying them around. <br /><br />And they are now planted at the foot of Jesus' cross...where they belong.<br /><br />God bless you my friends!Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-76856005336968625102012-03-01T07:04:00.003-08:002012-03-01T07:21:03.536-08:00ComparisonIn my last post, I realized that I said that I was talking about Lent, except I never really did. It was more of a 4 month re-cap. Oops.<br /><br />So, here's a brief overview of what I have learned about Lent. The ashes on the forehead represent mourning for sin (because lighting one's self on fire is probably not the best way to go about this). They did this in the Bible, except they would wear sack cloth, cover themselves in ashes and pray for days and days. <br /><br />Lent is a season of repentance. Not just repenting for the sins that we are already aware of, but also leaning into God and asking Him to reveal the sins in our heart that are buried for various reasons. Repenting is not just, "God, I'm sorry." It is almost accepted in society that saying, "I'm sorry" means that you are forgiven of your sins and free to go on about your way, and you can apologize as often as you need to for the same thing. Repenting is a turning away from that sin, whether it is not buying the food you know you will binge on or not visiting porn sites or not hanging out with people who will lead you down a dark path.<br /><br />So, Lent = season of repentance. It is 40 days long, which represents Jesus' 40 days in the wilderness. It leads up to Easter (the resurrection). <br /><br />People fast during Lent. I chose to fast from Facebook. While that may seem petty, think about how many hours you are surfing around Facebook. Some people may not be there longer than 10 minutes. I, on the other hand, could spend HOURS. Why? Because I was looking at other people's lives and comparing them to mine.<br /><br />Let me just say that I have come to realize that I can no more look at my life and all it encompasses and compare it to that of someone else's, than I can compare it to the life of a tree and get an accurate portrayal of where I am on this MAN MADE timeline.<br /><br />It can't happen. GOD has me where GOD needs me. While I want to get married and have a couple of more children, if me being single glorifies God more, then I'd rather be single. If me being married with more children glorifies God more, then I'd rather be married. Lent-ing in this fashion has really brought me to submission and truly praying for God's grace and glory to be revealed through my life. <br /><br />I can tell you this: I am a LOT more settled now than I have been in years. And God gets ALLLLL the credit for that!<br /><br />God's amazing grace for you my friends!Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-6895073980935747832012-02-22T09:07:00.000-08:002012-02-22T19:35:01.874-08:00LentYup, I'm talking about Lent. While I only just barley understand it (and I have been told by several people that only Catholics "celebrate" it...I am a Christian, I'm still going to celebrate it), I am going to learn about it while I'm at it!<br />
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God has brought me through A LOT since Thanksgiving. That is the main reason for the quietness. While I cannot post everything on here for personal reasons, I will say that I am so much more anchored in who I am in Christ than I have EVER been before! That is absolutely invigorating! <br />
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I have been part of a small group since the week of Thanksgiving. These people are absolutely amazing, and when I first started, I felt like the spiritual baby of the group. I also felt like, "Wow, these people are amazing! Why do I deserve to be in this group? I'm not that good of a person."<br />
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It has taken nearly four months for me to finally come around and understood that, as humans, we are not worthy of God's grace and blessing and none of us deserve anything good, but by God's grace, He GIVES us that grace and puts those people in our lives that will edify and and lift us up. Ask, seek, knock. That may seem contrite to some, but when you can feel that in your soul....wow...the power of that is out of this world!<br />
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I'll be straight honest. Around Christmas, I started getting angsty in my flesh. These people (my small group) were not showing any sign of not wanting me to be around. They were also not showing any sign of wanting me to go away. That BOTHERED me. My whole life I have been pushed aside, told I wasn't good enough, or left out, so I'm use to rejection. When they weren't showing signs of rejecting me, I started acting out. <br />
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God took me through a few storms. One of them was feeling loneliness (that will be another post), and one of the others was overeating (gluttony). Those were HARD because they were heart issues and faith issues. I didn't realize they were faith issues until one of my friends pointed it out. Through those storms, I was clingy, whiney, angsty, and ten kinds of other things. There were times when I would physically be doing something/saying something/acting out and I would have this third person view of myself, internally screaming, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?!?! STOP IT!" And my flesh wouldn't stop. <br />
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This last weekend was kind of the thing that tore it. It was stupid, but I attend church with two of my friends and they went in before I got there and I got there and waited for them. After about ten minutes, I tried calling them, no answer. Texting, no answer. I went in and there they were. I was hurt. I am a grown woman and I was hurt by something so trivial. That certainly showed what was in my heart.<br />
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And I showed that hurt in my demeanor towards them, even if I was screaming at myself from the inside, "KNOCK IT OFF!!" <br />
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When my friends and I parted ways after church, I saw the hurt on one of their faces and the concern on the other one's face and it hurt me. I turned and walked to my car, crying. I saw right there how my bad attitude hurt these people who have done nothing but LOVE me unconditionally and accepted me despite our differences. I was humbled and ashamed and my heart hurt because my actions and attitude hurt God's heart...and theirs.<br />
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My knee-jerk reaction to high emotions, especially painful ones, has been to smoke (I'll get on that one another day) and eat until I felt better. I had every intention of doing both. I pulled into the parking lot where I could satisfy both of those fleshly cravings, parked, got out of the car, and walked towards the restaurant....and I never made it to the door. <br />
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I stopped. <br />
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It happens that at the place I stopped at, there was once a big grocery store that is no longer there, so there is an equally big parking lot that is now empty. I stomped around the parking lot, purse and keys and cell phone in hand, for an hour. Crying, whining, repenting, occasionally screaming...all at God. (And, Lord, thank YOU that You are big enough to take my childish tantrums!!)<br />
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After I had my say and fill, I got back in the car and went home. I sent my two friends a text, apologizing for my attitude and disposition. They both answered with love. That made me cry more. <br />
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Fast forward to last night at small group. I admitted to them all that I had been acting out because I am use to rejection and when they weren't rejecting me, I did what I could to try to get them to reject me. It didn't work.<br />
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They all answered with love.<br />
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I am so very very humbled and so very thankful and speechless by God's amazing grace in my life and love for me. I have never experienced community and understanding....or anything like my small group ever in my life. No grudges. They bear with me through my junk, and love me all the same.<br />
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I pray that those who are reading this have the opportunity to experience this kind of love. This is Godly, amazing, LOVE like you will never believe. I know there is going to come a time where I am going to have to bear with them, and I know that part of the reason God led me through this really tough time with these amazing people is so that I know HOW to bear through all of the hurts and trivialities when I need to. And how to answer...with love.<br />
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God's blessing and love.<br />
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BMiss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-67653005912213478192012-01-28T09:05:00.000-08:002012-01-28T10:48:29.184-08:00HOPE in The LORDOver the last couple of days, I have come to a breaking point. Rather, God has seen me walk around and around and around the same mountain, ad nosium, and He finally put me in a place where I was willing and open to seeing that the desires I have carried and prayed for since I found out I was pregnant....may never come to pass in this life.<br /><br />That is HARD to fully realize. <br /><br />For some, it may be even more difficult to accept that the things that are hard in their lives now may never get any easier. I'm not trying to say that God is a cosmic kill-joy. He's not. <br /><br />"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation."<br />-Habakkuk 3:17-19 <br /><br />God wants to bring us to a place of brokenness so that we can see our desperate need for Him. That is exactly where He has me. I have hoped for six years, for a husband for me and a dad for my son. That is a big hope. Huge. I have taken many trips around the oh poor me mountain. I have dated men who only have a hope in getting a piece of ass and couldn't tell you anything more than superficial thoughts about God. <br /><br />And my hope was in a flawed human being and not in the God of the universe. <br /><br />As God has taken the last couple of nights to bring me here, one of those nights was shared with my small group. I love these people, but let me just be transparent and honest - one of my biggest fears (I know I am not alone in this) is speaking in front of people...rather, it is having a million pairs of eyes on me and me being the only source of distraction. Towards the end of our study, all three of my friends there (and the one that was there in spirit because she was not able to be there in person) looked at me. Not just looked...stared. One of my friends said something along the lines of, "I feel like there is something you need to say..." <br /><br />Immediately I went deer-in-headlights. Was there something I had to say? It had been a very heavy day mentally/emotionally, sure, but....crap....there was. I couldn't open my mouth without tearing up. I managed to start talking and things just started to come out. I'm not entirely sure it was all coherent as crying was still very much part of the mouth opening process, but I started talking and leaning into God in my breaking process. They were all very supportive and just listened and added to when it was necessary, but mostly just listening.<br /><br />The following day (yesterday as of the time of this post), I listened to the next sermon for next week's small group. That was hard to listen to because I was still very emotionally fragile. Hearing something that I have always feared but never dared to fully connect to: The deepest desires of my heart could never be fulfilled in this lifetime. My desire to get married and have more children and provide a father for my son....could never happen. <br /><br />That was not easy to speak last night. In fact, I kind of felt like a 2 year old throwing a fit because it is possible that I could not get my way. This morning I took my son to Starbucks because I really needed coffee, so we sat there for a bit and he played on his tablet while I read Habakkuk and wrote in my journal. Writing those words was difficult. Now typing them? It's actually gotten a bit easier. I know it typically takes me 24 hours to adjust to a new truth, so I'm about 12 hours into that adjustment.<br /><br />Now, this is not to say that I am dead set on not ever getting married and having more children...etc...however God has taken me to a place where I no longer hope in that circumstance or view my life now as less than ideal. God has me where I am needed, whether I see why or not. It really isn't for me to see why and judge it as good or bad. <br /><br />As I have come to this realization, a couple of quotes that came to me through a sermon and a friend:<br /><br />"Walking through trials necessitates that we listen to truth, regardless of if it says something we don't want to hear." ~ Dr. David Platt<br /><br />"It is not true to say that God wants to teach us something in our trials: through every cloud He brings, He wants us to unlearn something." ~ Oswald Chambers<br /><br /><br />So, here I am. My hope being fully and completely in God. The one who made the heavens and the earth, beast and plant alike, every human being, every human doing, that uses the good and the bad circumstances for His will. That is my hope.<br /><br />"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:23-25<br /><br />God's rich and abundant love and grace over all of you.<br /><br />BMiss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-77995713965028357482012-01-22T12:14:00.000-08:002012-01-22T12:45:10.954-08:00Plow and Harvest"A sluggard does not plow in season; so at harvest time he looks but finds nothing." Proverbs 20:4<br /><br />You know what I love? I love that the living God still speaks through His Word. Even on January 20th, 2012. The above verse was given to me as I was driving to work. I was stuck in traffic and trying not to hurl insults or ugly words at those in front of me who were...well, when you get down to it, the only issue I had with them is that they were in front of me instead of behind me.<br /><br />So I pulled my Bible out. A Proverb a day and all. When I ran across this, it brought to mind something that I have been dealing with lately. Relationships. Not in a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of way, but in a family way.<br /><br />This verse doesn't JUST apply to a lazy farmer, it can also apply to relationships. There are seasons in relationships just as there are seasons in life. In some seasons, you are doing the hard work; plowing (getting to know someone on a more intimate level - deeper than what you see on Facebook!!!). In some seasons, you are harvesting the result of that hard work/getting to know someone.<br /><br />However, if in those seasons of plowing, you find yourself throwing mud instead, when it comes to the season of harvest, you show up, but there is nothing there. You find the person you threw mud at, stepped on, pushed around, or ignored now covered in mud, hurting, and mad. And you are covered in that same mud, hurting and mad as well.<br /><br />I know what you are probably thinking: How do I get past this? That's an awesome question!<br /><br /><br />I haven't the faintest idea, however I know God will help me through. I know that I have to take responsibility for my part of the mud throwing. I know this is going to be humbling. I know I am scared because what if I start to mend these fences and all I get is mud thrown at me? And how do I stop myself from throwing mud back? No, it is not going to be easy, but I know it will ultimately be worth it.<br /><br />As I was praying about this issue this morning, it occurred to me: In a personal relationship, man/woman, God instructs us to keep ourselves pure until marriage. <br /><br />" Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." Hebrews 13:4<br /><br />This morning I totally got WHY!!! In our dating relationships, if we are too busy indulging in each other's flesh instead of getting to know each other, when it comes to the time of harvest, we won't have anything to stand on. I have absolutely NO authority on this, which is probably why the above explanation sounds choppy at best, however I discussed it with one of my married friends and she confirmed that this is accurate. <br /><br />Really, really put a perspective on relationships as a whole. <br /><br />I will keep you up to date as God moves and works on this. Pray for me friends.<br /><br />God bless.Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-17550420497755463012011-12-27T17:21:00.000-08:002011-12-27T17:58:07.477-08:00Thinking About Next Year<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DZfGcezW3hg/Tvp3pWx4TNI/AAAAAAAAAGk/urtxVGUiL-U/s1600/outofclutter.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 318px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DZfGcezW3hg/Tvp3pWx4TNI/AAAAAAAAAGk/urtxVGUiL-U/s320/outofclutter.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5690992631509175506" /></a><br />As with most people, my thoughts around this time of year lead me to think about next year. God has impressed on my heart a few things that I want to write out here.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Spiritual Walk:</span><br /><br />I want to continue my spiritual growth. I have grown a lot since Thanksgiving, much credit and thanks goes to my Tuesday evening small group. I have fallen in love with each person that is in that group, both as a group and as individuals. They push me to grow in my faith, and that is a gift that is truly something I cannot repay.<br /><br />I also want to continue to be intentional about the people I spend time with. I have done a descent job of touching base with people when they are on my heart, whether it is through a quick text or a phone call. Can I even tell you how difficult it is to call someone out of the blue and say, "I was thinking about you and praying for you and wanted you to know that I care and I hope all is well with you."? I know it doesn't *sound* difficult, however coming from someone (me) that hasn't ever stepped out of their (my) comfort zone, it's a little nerve wracking. I know it will get easier.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Work:</span><br /><br />I do it a lot. I love my job, but I miss a lot of time with my son because of how much I work. Not that I work more than is necessary to support us, however I have not budgeted my Vacation/PTO time to coincide with his schedule. With him going to school now, breaks are planned a year ahead of time, which makes things a bit easier to juggle. This year I will be budgeting a week off so that he and I can spend his spring break together. I am praying for something fun and economical to do, and I have a few ideas, but I'm not ready to put them up here just yet.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Personal Health:</span><br /><br />Though I have taken the last six weeks off, and I know I'm going to pay for that, I am going to continue taking care of myself and taking care of the temple God provided me. I felt good when I worked out. Thankfully I have gotten over feeling like taking care of myself is selfish. I'm becoming better equipped with prioritizing and making sure I can get quality time with God in on a daily basis, quality time for myself, working, and quality time with Gideon, as well as spending time with family and friends.<br /><br />I'm not going to lie, all of that is a tall order, however it is something that is interesting as it develops. Do I make everyone happy all the time? Nope, but that's not my job, I have discovered. I'd rather have quality time with people rather than quantity time with people. The only two on this planet that this doesn't apply to is God and my son.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Household:</span><br /><br />I found this really interesting daily decluttering/organizing calendar on Pinterest (which I am totally addicted to - Pinterest, not the calendar) that gives you a daily task to complete and by the end of the year, you will have gone through your entire house (what seems like) ten times. I'll be lucky to have anything left by year's end. LOL Here's the link if you are interested in checking it out: http://www.mysimplerlife.com/2012.htm<br /><br />So I'm looking forward to 2012 with a renewed sense of hope. I know I'll have bumps along the road, but that's okay. God didn't promise us a smooth ride, but He DID promise us a safe landing.<br /><br />God bless and good night friends. <3Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-42218704138421613972011-12-16T07:29:00.000-08:002011-12-16T08:06:30.673-08:002011 PonderingsThis will not be the last post of this nature. I am sure that I will post another one on New Years Day, however this is my current thoughts that are floating through my head (pardon me if I am disjointed in thinking).<br /><br />Around this time last year, I knew this year was going to be hard. I was sitting in a church service and a pastor from another campus was speaking and he was talking about people's hopes for the new year. He said that everyone always gets excited about a new year. It's like they expect the bad that happened in the prior year to just go away and the next year to be outrageously awesome.<br /><br />As he was speaking, God impressed on my heart that 2011 was not going to be one of those outrageously awesome years for me. I was saddened, honestly. I wanted to have an awesome year because 2010 wasn't exactly a picnic, but, while I didn't set out to make 2011 a bad year, I was at least a little prepared for the road ahead.<br /><br />And I am so thankful that God loves me enough to prepare my heart.<br /><br />I have seen loss of friends, a boyfriend that I really REALLY got along with, disagreements with family, financial hardship, tumultuous work..... And through it all I have tried to remain graceful. I haven't always been successful. Sometimes those trials have seen me in my room, bawling my eyes out and asking God why He dislikes me so much. <br /><br />Yup, I am quite capable of acting like I'm 2. I have a 5 year old son that has, on more than one occasion, provided a good example of what that looks like, so I'm schooled.<br /><br />But to look at all that hurt and pain and stress, I can see where God is working. He has pulled people out of my life that had ulterior motives (which I only saw once they were gone), stripped me of every road I *could* have gone down that didn't lead to Him...all because He is a jealous God and He doesn't want me to want anything more than I want Him.<br /><br />And that is exactly where He has me. Wanting Him more and more every day. Hungry for His word. Constantly asking for Him to empty me of myself and putting in my heart only the desires He has for me. Trust me, this is not easy, and there are days where I pray this prayer ten times because my flesh fights it, but it's worth it. It helps me to know that I am weak and I can't do this without Him.<br /><br />I have seen the fruit of me wanting to do things my own way, and they were all fruitless. I have seen the fruit of waiting on Him, and the results are AMAZING!! I want amazing and I'm willing to wait for it.<br /><br />God Bless you my friends! <3Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-84355687417444483122011-12-07T20:27:00.001-08:002011-12-07T21:36:12.813-08:00Openness<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ra3rxYmxYKI/TuBMxe_2s5I/AAAAAAAAAGM/BOfvIYt3mT4/s1600/nature.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 250px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ra3rxYmxYKI/TuBMxe_2s5I/AAAAAAAAAGM/BOfvIYt3mT4/s320/nature.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5683627142759756690" /></a><br />Tonight I had dinner with a very dear and sweet friend. I love this woman. From the first time I met her while playing volleyball this past summer at my church, I felt SUCH a connection. Without knowing more than my name and that my son was very polite and sweet, she opened her heart to me and my heart followed. While I have not spent an exorbitant amount of time with her, the love I have for her just flows so deeply. She is truly someone I will have in my life, for the rest of my life.<br /><br />Anyway, that to say, we had dinner this evening, and the openness was there. We shared parts of our past with each other; from the painful to the downright hilarious. When my son and I left, the *second* she shut the door, my son told me, "I really like her. She's the bestest!" <br /><br />I just smiled and completely agreed. <br /><br />We got in the car and he fell asleep nearly instantly and I just felt like my heart was over-flowing with being loved on and accepted and....heard. It's been a while since I have felt like I can be completely me and not feel like I have to hold something back for fear of being judged or corrected, or feeling like I'm an alien from a distant galaxy. She listened and gave me guidance out of love. She cried with me, she laughed with me, and before we left, she prayed over my son and I.<br /><br />As I was driving home, I thought, "I wonder what the Bible has to say about openness?" <br /><br />Google to the rescue!! (Don't judge, I don't have a concordance)<br /><br />I came up with a few scriptures:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7 NIV</span><br /><br />This one shows us that we should have an open heart to God. Rejoicing in Him, but also letting our gentleness being evident to ALL. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"> Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:15-16 NIV</span><br /><br />With this one, it makes me think of those days where I am having a bad day. Does my light shine particularly brightly on those days? Nope. There are days I feel like an absolute wretch, HOWEVER, this takes me back to a teachable moment with my son. He was looking at something that was supposed to glow in the dark, however we were standing just outside a store window that shed light on us. He was disappointed that it didn't glow brighter, yet it still glowed noticeably. <br /><br />Then it hit me: When we are shining brightly in a brightly lit place (say, at church), sure our lights are bright, but sometimes it can be overlooked because people are expecting to see that brightness there. However, when our lights aren't shining particularly bright, but we are in a dark place, the light that is shining IS noticeable! Something as simple as an honest, "Thank you Jesus!", even when you are in a bad mood around others who may not be believers can lead to just about anything!<br /><br />To pull this all together, lately I have felt like I am not connecting with ANYone. I feel like everyone puts on this mask of "My life is PERFECT!", except I see the hurt and pain and fear in their eyes. I so badly just want to hold them and listen to them and, while I can't promise them that it will be okay, I WANT to comfort them, I WANT to tell them that, regardless of how they feel, God really DOES care! He is hurting WITH them!! He is scared WITH them! He is reaching out TO them and just begging them to trust Him. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. <span style="font-style:italic;">As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.</span> Joshua 1:5 NIV</span><br /><br />I don't know where this is going, but I know God has something for me in this. Maybe I need to step forward and be more open with people I'm afraid to be open to for whatever reason. Maybe I need to slow down and allow time for someone to not just tell me a quick, "Hey, will you pray for me about something?", but instead, sit down with them on the spot, listen to their heart, and pray with them ON THE SPOT. <br /><br />I have another very dear friend that does that for me. I have called her bawling for various reasons over the last four years and, though she has four children, (was formerly a stay at home mom, but now works), a husband and enough extra curricular activities to wear anyone out just thinking about them, she has dropped all of that to *listen* to me and pray for me. Can I just say that the first time she did that I was seriously taken aback? I wasn't expecting it, and I admire her for that. <br /><br />I want to be that person. I pray for people on a daily basis, however the power of praying OVER someone...just...wow. There are no words. The comfort that her prayers have brought me over the years is astounding, and I now pray that I am that kind of person from today and going forward. It takes a boldness that I don't even know if I have, but I'm certainly going to step out in that direction and just trust that the words I speak will be from God and not from myself.<br /><br />Good night dear friends. May God bless and keep you. <3Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-3554374951874033522011-09-24T22:10:00.000-07:002011-09-25T06:51:08.494-07:00Afterthought<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HoQexhawPos/Tn8xv4VjN5I/AAAAAAAAAF0/qjr4Ceu6uAc/s1600/iamenough.png"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 197px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HoQexhawPos/Tn8xv4VjN5I/AAAAAAAAAF0/qjr4Ceu6uAc/s320/iamenough.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5656294355647018898" /></a><br />The last couple of days have been...interesting. God has brought to my attention that I have always considered myself an afterthought. As such, I have always allowed other people to treat me as an afterthought. <br /><br />Someone who is disposable.<br />Someone who doesn't matter.<br />Someone whose feelings are, essentially, vapor.<br /><br />Invisible. <br /><br />Family.<br />Friends.<br />Boyfriends...<br /><br />This has really made me think about where God has me right now. In the past, I always seemed to have a guy or two that I was talking to that had an interest in me. I would tire of them quickly because they seemed like photocopies of each other and they were all the kinds of guys that I had dated before I asked Jesus into my heart. Last year it hit me: Maybe I am the problem. <br /><br />Turns out I was. I asked God to change me, and He did. Now? Not one even semi-interested party to be found.<br /><br />I admit this, not with even an ounce of pride, but because as I was laying here, after a long day filled with God showing Himself through me, I was looking through facebook and seeing all the happy couples and a pang of not feeling good enough for a man to even like me, let alone love me was there. Even jealousy.<br /><br />And God showed up.<br /><br /> "If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world." ~ C.S. Lewis<br /><br />Maybe, just maybe, I am the problem again. Maybe I have treated God like an afterthought. I asked God to help me to fall in love with Him, and those feelings of not being good enough and jealousy have started to ease. <br /><br />I know there is going to be more to this. It's been a long day and I kind of want to cry (and I will cry - I've gotten really good at that lately), but this is a start in a really good direction. "For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; <span style="font-weight:bold;">weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning</span>." Psalm 30:5<br /><br />While I may not be where *I* would prefer to be, I am quite thankful that God loves me enough to bring me here so that He can open my heart and help me see where I need to grow...and what I need pruned.<br /><br />God bless you my friends, with love beyond compare, grace beyond reason, and peace that invades your heart and soul.Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-72843750198114681282011-09-03T14:08:00.000-07:002011-09-03T14:09:50.680-07:001 Kings 19<span style="font-weight:bold;">"The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" 1 Kings 19:11-13</span>
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<br />WOW!!! WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!
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<br />So many people these days feel like the big, bad, ugly things that happen are signs from God and act accordingly. They rarely stop and consider that maybe all those big sounds and shows don't have God in them anywhere. Even more rarely do they stop and listen to that gentle voice that is asking them a question, even as simple a question as, "What are you doing here?"
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<br />I have seen God act in MIGHTY ways in my life. Me being a single mom for over 5 years and, many times, having to FULLY rely on God for provision in our lives is definitely at the top of that list. There were days where I didn't know how I was going to feed Gideon, let alone how I was going to find food for myself, but God knew. He knew every time where that provision was coming from.
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<br />But I will also never forget those moments where I was so close to Him that I could hear his gentle voice whispering to me, comforting me, loving on me...all when I needed it the most, when my world was crumbling down and I didn't feel like I had the strength to continue.
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<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">"Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day's journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, Lord," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep." 1 Kings 19:3-5</span>
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<br />Have I been there? Absolutely. I think we all have. The next part is just as awesome:
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<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">"All at once and angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat." He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again." 1 Kings 19:5b-6</span>
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<br />Though Elijah wanted so badly to die, God was merciful on him and sent an angel to nourish him.
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<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">"The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night." 1 Kings 19:7-9</span>
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<br />God KNOWS that the journey set before you going to be too hard for you to handle! That is why He sends up angels and provision, whether those angels are straight from Heaven, or from someone here on earth that is obedient to God's wishes and provides accordingly. I have seen both in my life, even before I accepted God into my heart.
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<br />Take heart in this bit of scripture! God KNOWS you are dealing with a lot, but He hasn't forgotten you!! Look for the angels that He is sending! But most importantly, listen for His voice. Sometimes it is big, but sometimes it is small and quiet and the only thing you need to do to hear Him is....be still.
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<br />God bless you my friends!Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-26480008638010361812011-08-19T21:27:00.000-07:002011-08-19T21:40:34.582-07:00There's a wall. "Where?" *thud*This week has been difficult to keep up the exercise. Gideon is starting Kindergarten and there's a LOT that you have to do in order to get it all together and registered and ready. Tonight as I was reflecting on feeling burnt out (with pretty much life in general), it occurred to me, again, like this is much like faith.
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<br />When you first ask Jesus into your heart, you feel a rush of hope and love and grace and like you could go out and conquer the world! Much like deciding, "I'm going to finally start taking care of my body!!" And you go out and work out and feel good and feel tired and that feels GOOD.
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<br />Then the new-ness wears off.
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<br />In your faith, that typically means a storm comes and you are reeling from the onslaught. You hope your faith is like a mustard seed. "He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."" Matthew 17:20. In reality, you want to find the nearest hole, no matter how small it may be, and bury yourself as deeply as possible, and then maybe just a little more for added assurance.
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<br />In diet and exercise (when you haven't done much of that for a while), I have gotten to the point where the new-ness has rubbed completely off and now I'm tired. My body is sore (good sore) and the gallon of ice cream in my freezer (it's more like a pint) is calling my name. Unfortunately for some who have dealt with overeating their entire lives, the closest hole they can find to run to is...the refrigerator.
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<br />Though that is what I WANTED to do tonight, it is not what I actually DID. I instead got up and exercised. General calisthenics, but just something to keep me moving and away from the fridge. It worked!
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<br />I have been on a team on myfitnesspal.com since the beginning of August and the people that I have met there are amazing and so inspirational. I have noticed that I am doing the daily challenges without doing much more in addition to (like we are supposed to be doing). I also know that I haven't been going to bed early and thus making me more tired and less likely to get up and do more.
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<br />Spiritually, we need to find rest. True rest is only found in quiet time and reading the Bible and truly listening to/for God to speak into our lives, much like sleep is essential for our bodies so that we can get up and do things without "I'm tired" coming to visit.
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<br />I am definitely looking forward to sleep tonight and a three day weekend. Renewal of the mind, body and spirit is what is in my cards right now.
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<br />God bless and good night my friends!Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-84086024291944349572011-08-06T21:39:00.000-07:002011-08-06T22:04:25.081-07:00Things I'm LearningI'm learning a lot in my journey to health. It's not very unlike my spiritual walk. When I first gave my life over to God, I felt amazing, like I could conquer the world and all the evils therein. When I first started this journey three weeks ago (on July 20th, to be exact), I felt awesome, like I could conquer this fat and everyone else's with mine.<br /><br />Then reality hits. Like a freight train hauling cinder blocks.<br /><br />The tests come.<br /><br />In food, every food that you love (that's not healthy) is EVERYWHERE. It's difficult to turn it down, but I know if I do, it'll pay off. This is not to say that I don't eat things that aren't uber healthy for me, because I do, but I am now a lot more conscious of how much I eat. I also track my calories (something I never thought I would actually do ever in my life) so that I can see what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong so that I can make subtle positive changes.<br /><br />In exercise, every reason to not get off my butt is there. I'm tired, I'm sore, my knee hurts, my ankle hurts, I worked a lot, I'm stressed.... All good reasons to get up and DO something. A stroll around the block, a walk on the treadmill, some yoga..... Anything to keep moving. I have learned that exercise helps me to de-stress after a bad day at work. I have also learned that there is a runner's high that makes me feel absolutely amazing after I run (even if I run for not very long...and even if I'm not totally enjoying the run while I'm doing it).<br /><br />In my spiritual walk, every reason to not spend time in the Word and praying show themselves, however when I do read on a daily basis and journal and, well, this blog very much counts into that as well, I feel close to God. When I make excuses to not spend time in the Word and pray and blog, it feels like God couldn't be further away from me if He tried. <br /><br />Also in the spiritual walk is not just the quiet time, but it's also the living it out. Volunteering, finding a way to serve people outside the church as well (helping someone get a can off the top shelf at the grocery store, smiling at someone and saying something kind to them when they look like they couldn't be having a worse day if they tried), etc.. <br /><br />I know there is going to be more lessons for me to learn along the way, but these are the first couple. I am definitely looking forward to the rest of the journey!Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-26534538103572442512011-08-02T20:00:00.000-07:002011-08-03T06:06:19.259-07:00Something New<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BgsgvAhNhG8/TjlHvIjlpcI/AAAAAAAAAE4/q33tiiA8H-I/s1600/tumblr_lp8efeKNVg1qilc4eo1_500.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BgsgvAhNhG8/TjlHvIjlpcI/AAAAAAAAAE4/q33tiiA8H-I/s320/tumblr_lp8efeKNVg1qilc4eo1_500.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5636615283707061698" /></a><br />So I posted on my FB last night that I have a new post coming, and here it is! Something is new in my life that makes me feel totally different.<br /><br />What is that *thing*? <br /><br />Exercise and taking care of my body. Yes this is new. Until now, I felt selfish for spending time in the gym and taking care of myself. I felt like I was being selfish when, in fact, it is not. If I don't take care of my physical body, who will? And if you don't take care of you, how can you expect yourself to take care of others? I don't know of a way for me to allow someone else to take my body and go for a jog or to yoga or anything else. <br /><br />On top of that, God put US in control of our bodies. "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." <br />1 Corinthians 6:19-20 He gave them to us as a gift, and asks us to take care of it.<br /><br />By me not working out and eating properly, I have become fat. I don't want to be fat any more. This isn't for a guy (guys are a dime a dozen), this is for God and me and for my son. I want to glorify God in the body that He gave me, I want to show Gideon what dedication looks like. Gideon knows what work looks like because he has seen me do that plenty all his life. Now I'm upping the stakes. Yes it is good to work, but not all the time. Yes it is good to exercise, but in moderation (if you hurt yourself, how much good are you going to be able to do?). It's good to eat, but in moderation.<br /><br />So this is the new thing in my life. Have I tried and failed at this before? Yes. At one point I tried and succeeded, but I did it for the wrong reasons. Once that reason evaporated, I spiraled again. I have come to understand that I am worth me taking care of myself. <br /><br />"Though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again". Proverbs 24:16 (NIV) <br /><br />It doesn't matter how many times you have fallen or failed, the only time you ever lose is when you stop trying. REFUSE TO GIVE UP!!! I will never be skinny. God did not design me to be skinny, but I can be fit and I can be active and I can lessen the chances of me getting type II diabetes and a host of other obesity-related diseases that run in my family that are avoidable through diet and exercise.<br /><br />My biggest hurdle is going to be balancing everything:<br /><br />Spending time with God<br />Being a single mom<br />Being employed full time<br />Spending time with my family<br />Volunteering<br />Working out<br /><br />I know I can do this. I may have to step back some of my volunteer work (I have already done this recently through the moving process), but not giving up on it entirely. I love giving my time to my church and to people I can influence. I will be able to do that better and, more than likely, in different ways, once I begin to see the weight come off.<br /><br />Anyway, so this is a new chapter in my journey. I'd love for you to follow along. I'll be posting pictures as I progress.<br /><br />God, bless my friends. <3Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-14838055300662177612011-07-25T18:12:00.002-07:002011-07-25T18:56:08.046-07:00You Will Protect Me, Right?I've taken a bit of a hiatus. We have been in the process of packing and moving, and then the time in between apartments...well, restful is not what I would term it, but growth and appreciation is.<br /><br />But I'm back!<br /><br />This past Saturday, a church that I have been to in the past, one that has an amazing Single Parent Ministry, had a Boy's Mentoring morning. A bunch of guys got together with a bunch of boys and played flag football, water balloon fight, and ate pizza. Totally a dude kind of day. :)<br /><br />I typically don't get to make it to those events because something inevitably comes up, however this last weekend turned out a little differently. I got up, Gideon was overflowing with youthful energy and the need to get out and do SOMETHING, and I thought, "Ah ha! I know what he can do to burn off that energy!" So, I packed him into the car and drove him to the church. <br /><br />I was greeted by a few of the guys as well as the (female) organizers. I ended up staying and taking pictures since they were a little short-handed initially and it was just awesome to watch my son learn how to play flag football. It was funny too. :)<br /><br />On one of the plays, Gideon happened to be in the wrong place at the right time and got kneed (completely by accident) by one of the guys. He wanted to cry, but I wasn't going to let him. I told him to grab some water, rub some dirt on it, and get back at it. Gideon had no intention of getting back on the field, however I didn't let him get away with it. He was there to expend energy and be a boy, and I had every intention of him doing just that.<br /><br />Well, one of the volunteers and Gideon made a connection rather quickly. It was very heart warming to hear part of his story before all the action started, and it was awesome that he cared enough to ask me about the dad situation in regards to Gideon. It isn't the easiest thing to say, "He doesn't have a dad," but anything short of that would have been a lie.<br /><br />So, after pushing Gideon back out onto the field (like any loving mother would), he stood next to his new friend and, I'm not sure what happened, but Gideon ended up on the ground in the midst of other little bodies. This time the volunteer took him aside and they sat under a tree and talked for ten or so minutes. I'm not sure what they talked about, but after the talk was over, Gideon was excited to get back up and get back at it! <br /><br />This is the part that is both heartwarming to me...and heartbreaking. They got into position and before the play started, Gideon looked up at him and asked, "You're going to protect me, right?" <br /><br />SOOOOOOOOOO many emotions welled up inside of me. Isn't that what we all want? Someone to protect us and take care of us? Someone we can lean on and trust when times are tough? I know I do. I know Gideon does. I know Gideon trusts me and leans on me, and sometimes it feels like that is a weight that I cannot handle, but God NEVER fails to give me the strength I need, just as I know I can always trust Him and lean on Him when times are tough.<br /><br />That was the moment the other volunteers came out and took over the camera work. Not that I didn't want to be there to watch the festivities, but Gideon is around me often and this event wasn't for me to spend more time with him, but for him to be around amazing Christian men for real dude time, so I left and took a walk and prayed and cried. God is just SOOOO good! I felt reassurance wash over my heart that He truly is taking care of me and He is giving me the strength that I need to continue on this amazing journey.<br /><br />When I returned, I ended up talking to one of the women that was there volunteering and she asked me about my story. I started talking and just let it out. I ended up crying the whole way through. She just sat there and listened and asked questions and held my hand and reassured me.<br /><br />That event wasn't just for Gideon. God had every intention of reaching my heart in a deep and profound way that morning as well. <br /><br />Tonight, as I was reading the Bible, I came across Job. I have read all of Job, but I haven't understood it all yet, however God led me to a specific passage, "If I have raise my hand against the fatherless, knowing that I had influence in court, then let my arm fall from the shoulder, let it be broken off at the joint." Job 31:21-22<br /><br />God calls us to be an influence to those that are fatherless. The guys that were there and, in particular, the one that Gideon became a shadow to on Saturday, were heeding that direction and actually DOING something to influence those children who are fatherless. I have met a lot of men in my day. Some of them have proclaimed that they are Christians, and they know a whole lot about theology, probably mountains more than I ever will, HOWEVER! The fruit of the Spirit is not there.<br /><br />Gideon likes to ask, "Mommy, when is God going to bring me a dad?" That question hurt at first, and stings just a little still, however my answer is always, "God has heard you pray, and He wants to hear you ask even still, but God has an AMAZING daddy for you. Not just any guy can be your daddy, but first God has to work on both him and me. You will get a daddy exactly when you need one, in God's timing, and God is never late."<br /><br />On that note, friends, I bid you a good night. Time to pray with the Gidlet and get myself to sleep. God bless and good night!Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-60461540008229811682011-07-12T05:36:00.000-07:002011-07-12T05:58:57.108-07:00Compromise and AcceptanceThis is something that is difficult for a lot of people. Let's start off with the definitions (brought to you by The Free Dictionary):<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Compromise: A settlement of differences in which each side makes concession<br /><br />Acceptance: to take or receive (something offered)</span><br /><br />Okay, that wasn't so bad, now was it?<br /><br />Compromise for me is difficult because it means that I have to not get everything I want and I have to LIKE IT!! Not the superficial, "I'm going to act like everything is okay, but then bottle up my emotions and let it all come out when the next related incident comes up," or "I'm going to pick at you and make passive aggressive, snippy comments any time I get the chance." kind of acceptance, but real, genuine, honest-to-goodness compromise.<br /><br />Compromise and acceptance can manifest themselves in forgiveness.<br /><br />One incident where I can clearly remember this lesson starting is with my son. I was sick, the hormones were having their way with my emotions, and we were at the doctor's office . He decided that rolling around on the doctor's stool was the thing to do while playing with my itouch.<br /><br />I warned him to be careful. I asked him to stop rolling around. Neither of those things happened.<br /><br />He over-corrected on a roll and he fell to the side. The side that held the touch.<br /><br />Onto the floor, face first, went the touch. He righted himself and I retrieved it from him. Sure enough, three cracks were running across the face.<br /><br />I wanted to scream, cry....pretty much any emotion one human being could possibly feel came crashing down on me all at once. I took a few deep breaths with my eyes closed. Oddly enough, the thought that came to mind was, "Is screaming at him going to change this?"<br /><br />No, it wont. <br /><br />Instead of doing any of the 10 things that first came to my mind, my reaction was to tell him, "You have lost the ability to use the touch." Though there were a few days in which I chose to make little comments about the incident instead of letting it go and moving on, this was honestly the first time I can say that I gained the acceptance of a bad situation in a rather short period of time. Instead of reacting as I normally would have, I chose to act better. Sure, I now have a touch with a cracked screen that needs to be replaced, however it does still work and my son is no longer able to use it. Compromise achieved!<br /><br />I'm not perfect at this by any stretch of the imagination, but I am clearly seeing situations, whether they are big or small, arise and I am trying to take a more forgiving stance on them. Some situations just can't be helped or remedied and your choice in the compromise is void, yet you still have to live with the outcome of the situation.<br /><br />Do you needle and pick at people when something is done or said that is off-putting to you? <br /><br />Just once when an occasion like that arises, try not saying those passive negative comments. So what if it's not going to go your way? LIFE ISN'T FAIR, but in YOU choosing how you react to it, you may feel better about your actions and words after the fact.<br /><br />Find yourself in a conversation with someone that picks at you? There are always ways to extract yourself from them gracefully and not get drawn into saying something you might regret later. You cannot control how others act or react, you are only in control of yourself. Make the way you react reflect God's love and grace and see how the opposition reacts.<br /><br />God bless you my friends. <3Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-56521228691694847712011-06-26T20:14:00.001-07:002011-06-26T20:27:15.103-07:00Struggling With FeelingsI'm struggling right now with the feeling of not being good enough. What brought this about? My son. We were on our way home from church and he told me that it upsets him when one of his classmates is always at the end of the line. Why? Because she has earned herself a nickname by the teacher. "Lucy the Caboosey". I asked him if he thought HE has special things about him that others could be jealous of and he said no.<br /><br />This nearly made me run my car into a telephone pole. Really?!? The kid that will hug anyone and everyone, REGARDLESS of how adverse I might find them? The kid with the thousand watt smile? The kid that will talk to anyone and brings people out of their shells? The kid that can make the million year grumpy looking grandma in the grocery line light up like a kid at Christmas? <br /><br />That's when my old wounds started surfacing. I asked him if he thought he was good enough just the way he was. He told me no. I literally burst into tears (lucky that telephone pole and I didn't have another near miss meeting) on the spot. I told him that God made him exactly the way he was because this worlds NEEDS someone like him to show them how to love unconditionally.<br /><br />Through tears, I told him that I grew up feeling like I was never good enough. I do love my parents, but there are things that they did that hurt me deeply. One of those things was to constantly tell me, "You should be more like your sister." That told me that the person that I was, the sensitive, shy, creative person that God made me, wasn't good enough.<br /><br />So, through my tears, I told him that I NEVER wanted him to EVER feel like he wasn't good enough. God DOES NOT make junk. He made each of us the way we are, with our own special sets of gifts, no two alike, because we each contribute our own abilities to the world. Does that mean we are perfect in the sense that we will never make mistakes? Heavens no!! We all have things we have to work on to get better and more in line with God's plan, but our gifts that we have ARE good enough, and we don't have to walk around being jealous of the gifts that others have simply because we don't have them.<br /><br />Oh how our children can bring things to the surface that we once thought was buried forever in the past.<br /><br />I will probably be processing this for a few days, but if you struggle with not feeling good enough, just remember:<br /><br />God does NOT make junk.<br />You ARE good enough!<br />God loves you JUST like you ARE!<br />There is only one you, and only you can make the impact on the world that God created you to make.<br /><br />God bless and good night my friends. <3Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-80076775660945132272011-06-19T19:09:00.000-07:002011-06-24T05:19:31.262-07:00The GauntletNow that we have processed Gratitude, let's go one step further. No, this isn't going to be easy. It wasn't easy for me when I first started, but, as with anything, the more you practice, the better you get! In fact, God is still working on me in this area, but it is getting easier and it is even starting to feel good.<br /><br />Let's go back to the group of friends that are in new relationships and/or newly engaged. You are still single. <br /><br />Option 1: Whining<br /><br />"God, whhhhhyyyyyyy not meeeee!" Inside you are jealous and mopey. You start thinking a million things: "Why not me? What's wrong with me? Really God? I know I'm not perfect, but I'm not that bad!"<br /><br />It is quite an ugly sight. You start eating poorly, treating yourself badly, and thinking that you aren't worthy of a good healthy relationship. <br /><br />"Eat not the bread of him who has a hard, grudging, and envious eye, neither desire his dainty foods; <span style="font-weight:bold;"> For as he thinks in his heart, so is he</span>. As one who reckons, he says to you, eat and drink, yet his heart is not with you [but is grudging the cost]." Proverbs 23:6-7<br /><br />Notice that I put in bold "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he". When you are whiney and start down the path of self destruction, much like the person with the hard, grudging, and envious eye, your actions will reflect this. People who are happy and in new relationships or are planning their marriage don't want to be around others that are bitter and resentful. You will find yourself alone. What do you say to yourself? "See!?! NO ONE wants to be around me! I'm wretched!" <br /><br />Check your attitude. People who are happily in a new relationship and/or are about to get married don't need a million pounds of depression and self pitty falling down on top of them. If they are smart, they will distance themselves until you realize that you are your greatest demise.<br /><br /><br />Option 2: Not Whining<br /><br />You congratulate your friends (to their face....with a smile....and MEAN IT), praise God for their good fortune, and give them a gift or other token of celebration for the new relationship/pending nuptials.<br /><br />This stretches you. The first time that you step outside your comfort zone and do something for someone that they are getting but you want may even make you cry, but <span style="font-style:italic;">it will get easier</span>. You may even start seeking out people who are getting what you want in order to bless them. <br /><br />As a note, this doesn't mean that there won't be pain while you are in the in-between-time. God never promised us that the road would be easy, but we can make it easier on ourselves if we learn to accept God's plan for us and praise Him for what He does for others, and go one step further and bless them.<br /><br />I need this post as much as anyone who will read it. I have recently been on that downward path, and I'm done with letting the devil win. I know that I am where I am because God needs me here now. He's not only working on me, but on my situations that I am struggling with.<br /><br />Face it, if we always got what we wanted, we wouldn't need God. If we never faced adversity, how would we ever know God is a deliverer? There are TONS of verses that say the same thing (and I've always been told that when something shows up in the Bible multiple times, you'd better pay attention!), but this is the one that my heart rests on:<br /><br />"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2<br /><br />God bless you my friend. <3Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1613554188306340361.post-24006300488033774722011-06-18T20:25:00.000-07:002011-06-18T21:15:13.571-07:00Gratitude<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RCWpBd-74I0/Tf1sSdxFVJI/AAAAAAAAAEQ/XMCcFb9D0bk/s1600/110607_002-760544.jpg"><img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RCWpBd-74I0/Tf1sSdxFVJI/AAAAAAAAAEQ/XMCcFb9D0bk/s320/110607_002-760544.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5619766974512190610" /></a></p><br /><br />How often do we sit around, being mopey about what God asks us to do? If it's anything like my son's response to me asking him to take a bath or put his toys away or throwing something away, I can bet it's often for us. (By the way, the above picture is my son after I asked him to take a bath.)<br /><br />As I was listening to Joyce Meyers podcast on Friday, she said something that gave me an "ah HA!" moment. Say your child comes to you and asks you for a new toy. You have every intention of granting this request (because it's educational, right?!?), but you don't have time to do it right now, so you tell said child, "Sure! We'll go get it in a couple of weeks." <br /><br />Imagine that child dragging around for two weeks saying (in a whiny voice), "I'll never get that leapster game!" You aren't exactly inclined to run to the store that second and buy it. In fact, that may push it off for a week or two, if we are being honest.<br /><br />Now, in another universe, imagine said child asks for the (educational) toy and your response is the same - sure, in two weeks - but this time, the child walks around saying, "I can't WAIT to get that leapster game!! It's going to be so cool! Mom, thank you so much for agreeing to get that for me!" I would be far more inclined to find time in my schedule to get that toy faster if he walked around saying that.<br /><br />Gratitude. “In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thess. 5:18). <br /><br />Let me put this in a more God/you relationship perspective:<br /><br />You want something. Let's go with....a significant other. You're single, you want to settle down, you don't think there's THAT much wrong with you (everyone has their faults, right?), but you can't seem to find someone you want to settle down with in a permanent way. You get sick of seeming to date the same kind of person, so you figure out that you are the problem, and you change (with God's help). <br /><br />You start dating again with a new attitude/outlook/action plan, and someone comes along that makes you think, "This could be it!" Then God says, "No! You are putting far more time/effort into them than you are in to me." Out they go. <br /><br />Maybe God is asking you to wait just a *little* bit longer.<br /><br />Here's where your gratitude (or lack thereof) comes into play. <br /><br />Option 1: Whining<br /><br />"I'm NEVER going to meet THE ONE. Poor POOOOORRR meeeee." *Drag face across floor* (real cute)<br /><br />Option 2: Not Whining<br /><br />"God, thank you for this valley. Thank you for this time I am not tied down to someone so that I can serve You and Your house. Thank You for putting the desire of having an earthly companion into my heart, and thank You for working on both of us in this time, and I praise You for the (wo)man you are going to bless my socks off with!"<br /><br />I think I'm going to try gratitude. :)Miss Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152014699092465058noreply@blogger.com0