There's a wall. "Where?" *thud*

This week has been difficult to keep up the exercise. Gideon is starting Kindergarten and there's a LOT that you have to do in order to get it all together and registered and ready. Tonight as I was reflecting on feeling burnt out (with pretty much life in general), it occurred to me, again, like this is much like faith.

When you first ask Jesus into your heart, you feel a rush of hope and love and grace and like you could go out and conquer the world! Much like deciding, "I'm going to finally start taking care of my body!!" And you go out and work out and feel good and feel tired and that feels GOOD.

Then the new-ness wears off.

In your faith, that typically means a storm comes and you are reeling from the onslaught. You hope your faith is like a mustard seed. "He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."" Matthew 17:20. In reality, you want to find the nearest hole, no matter how small it may be, and bury yourself as deeply as possible, and then maybe just a little more for added assurance.

In diet and exercise (when you haven't done much of that for a while), I have gotten to the point where the new-ness has rubbed completely off and now I'm tired. My body is sore (good sore) and the gallon of ice cream in my freezer (it's more like a pint) is calling my name. Unfortunately for some who have dealt with overeating their entire lives, the closest hole they can find to run to is...the refrigerator.

Though that is what I WANTED to do tonight, it is not what I actually DID. I instead got up and exercised. General calisthenics, but just something to keep me moving and away from the fridge. It worked!

I have been on a team on myfitnesspal.com since the beginning of August and the people that I have met there are amazing and so inspirational. I have noticed that I am doing the daily challenges without doing much more in addition to (like we are supposed to be doing). I also know that I haven't been going to bed early and thus making me more tired and less likely to get up and do more.

Spiritually, we need to find rest. True rest is only found in quiet time and reading the Bible and truly listening to/for God to speak into our lives, much like sleep is essential for our bodies so that we can get up and do things without "I'm tired" coming to visit.

I am definitely looking forward to sleep tonight and a three day weekend. Renewal of the mind, body and spirit is what is in my cards right now.

God bless and good night my friends!

Things I'm Learning

I'm learning a lot in my journey to health. It's not very unlike my spiritual walk. When I first gave my life over to God, I felt amazing, like I could conquer the world and all the evils therein. When I first started this journey three weeks ago (on July 20th, to be exact), I felt awesome, like I could conquer this fat and everyone else's with mine.

Then reality hits. Like a freight train hauling cinder blocks.

The tests come.

In food, every food that you love (that's not healthy) is EVERYWHERE. It's difficult to turn it down, but I know if I do, it'll pay off. This is not to say that I don't eat things that aren't uber healthy for me, because I do, but I am now a lot more conscious of how much I eat. I also track my calories (something I never thought I would actually do ever in my life) so that I can see what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong so that I can make subtle positive changes.

In exercise, every reason to not get off my butt is there. I'm tired, I'm sore, my knee hurts, my ankle hurts, I worked a lot, I'm stressed.... All good reasons to get up and DO something. A stroll around the block, a walk on the treadmill, some yoga..... Anything to keep moving. I have learned that exercise helps me to de-stress after a bad day at work. I have also learned that there is a runner's high that makes me feel absolutely amazing after I run (even if I run for not very long...and even if I'm not totally enjoying the run while I'm doing it).

In my spiritual walk, every reason to not spend time in the Word and praying show themselves, however when I do read on a daily basis and journal and, well, this blog very much counts into that as well, I feel close to God. When I make excuses to not spend time in the Word and pray and blog, it feels like God couldn't be further away from me if He tried.

Also in the spiritual walk is not just the quiet time, but it's also the living it out. Volunteering, finding a way to serve people outside the church as well (helping someone get a can off the top shelf at the grocery store, smiling at someone and saying something kind to them when they look like they couldn't be having a worse day if they tried), etc..

I know there is going to be more lessons for me to learn along the way, but these are the first couple. I am definitely looking forward to the rest of the journey!

Something New

So I posted on my FB last night that I have a new post coming, and here it is! Something is new in my life that makes me feel totally different.

What is that *thing*?

Exercise and taking care of my body. Yes this is new. Until now, I felt selfish for spending time in the gym and taking care of myself. I felt like I was being selfish when, in fact, it is not. If I don't take care of my physical body, who will? And if you don't take care of you, how can you expect yourself to take care of others? I don't know of a way for me to allow someone else to take my body and go for a jog or to yoga or anything else.

On top of that, God put US in control of our bodies. "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 He gave them to us as a gift, and asks us to take care of it.

By me not working out and eating properly, I have become fat. I don't want to be fat any more. This isn't for a guy (guys are a dime a dozen), this is for God and me and for my son. I want to glorify God in the body that He gave me, I want to show Gideon what dedication looks like. Gideon knows what work looks like because he has seen me do that plenty all his life. Now I'm upping the stakes. Yes it is good to work, but not all the time. Yes it is good to exercise, but in moderation (if you hurt yourself, how much good are you going to be able to do?). It's good to eat, but in moderation.

So this is the new thing in my life. Have I tried and failed at this before? Yes. At one point I tried and succeeded, but I did it for the wrong reasons. Once that reason evaporated, I spiraled again. I have come to understand that I am worth me taking care of myself.

"Though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again". Proverbs 24:16 (NIV)

It doesn't matter how many times you have fallen or failed, the only time you ever lose is when you stop trying. REFUSE TO GIVE UP!!! I will never be skinny. God did not design me to be skinny, but I can be fit and I can be active and I can lessen the chances of me getting type II diabetes and a host of other obesity-related diseases that run in my family that are avoidable through diet and exercise.

My biggest hurdle is going to be balancing everything:

Spending time with God
Being a single mom
Being employed full time
Spending time with my family
Volunteering
Working out

I know I can do this. I may have to step back some of my volunteer work (I have already done this recently through the moving process), but not giving up on it entirely. I love giving my time to my church and to people I can influence. I will be able to do that better and, more than likely, in different ways, once I begin to see the weight come off.

Anyway, so this is a new chapter in my journey. I'd love for you to follow along. I'll be posting pictures as I progress.

God, bless my friends. <3