I get down, He lifts me up...

"This valley is so deep, I can barley see the sun, I cry out for mercy Lord, and You lift me up again!" I so enjoy Audio Adrenaline. I actually like a whole lot of Christian bands, but this just happens to be the song I'm listening to right now (titled "Get Down" for those that are curious).

Gosh, where to start on what God has been showing me and teaching me lately. I'll start out by saying that I will not make a sweeping generalization, because the only person I know how anything feels like is me, so if this speaks to your heart, praise the Lord! If it doesn't, then maybe this will expand your thinking and bring someone else to mind!

So, when I am purposeful about getting in the Word, spending time in silence (mind and mouth silence - hard to do - trust me - I know) just listening for God to speak into me, praying, and being in community with other believers (not just the kind you pass in the hallway at church on your way to Mi Cocina or McDonalds), I grow....A LOT. This is why it is sometimes hard for me to post a blog because I don't know what to say or how to express what God has impressed on my heart.

Frankly, I also pray before posting so I can make sure that my words are salt and light and not death and destruction.

So tonight a thought occurred to me that may offend some, but, well, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world." John 16:33. That's something my son learned and memorized from church. I LOVE that he is doing scripture memorization! It encourages me to learn with him! It also helps him hide God's Word in his heart for those times of trouble!

On with it then. "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2 - NIV(1984). A thought occurred to me as I was churning on this tonight. How EASY is it for non-believers to blend in with this world. And how pitifully hard it is for Jesus seeking people to move through this world. Impacting this world for God's glory (and trying to figure out how to not take credit for every good thing in our lives - something that ever Christian I know struggles with - even if it is once every ten years or so ;) )

God asks His people to not conform to the patterns of this world. What are the patterns? (Forgive me if I side-step some hot button current affairs in this list): Vulgarity, addiction, obesity, self-centeredness, judgmental attitudes, self-serving attitudes (maybe goes along with self-centered?)....and the list goes on. As a Christian, I am called to be selfless, loving, caring, and be salt and light to the world around me. One by one, God is so very graciously working my addictions out of me. I don't hardly drink (and I no longer find any fun in being drunk), I have not smoked in 5 months and a 1 day as of today (!!!!), I have overcome the cycle of loneliness, and God is working on a list of other things with me, but today I feel more hopeful than I think I ever have in those other things.

Why? Because last night I came to realize that I don't have to be ashamed for my shortfalls. I'm not ashamed because I am finally opening my eyes nice and wide to the fact that I HAVE faults and that God loves me enough to work through them with me...and that He is PATIENT. I also realize that shame isn't from God. It's not. Shame is from the enemy that wants to keep rubbing my face in the same excrement to remind me, "Remember what you did?" "Remember those horrible things you said?" "God can't love someone like you that has all these faults, that has done all these things." "Remember what that person did to you? How can you forgive them??"

No, shame and regret are not emotions from God. How do I know? Because God loves. Above all, He is love. I'm not saying that God isn't vengeful, because, OH BOY - I have read most of the Old Testament as well as most of the New Testament and I have a very healthy fear of God's vengeance (especially when it comes to willfull sinning), but I have seen too many things work out in my life to be anything but grateful for God's grace and love for me. I can't deny it. Had I gotten what I deserved, I certainly wouldn't be sitting where I am with the son that I have and the things that I have and the amazing friends that I have. Because I don't deserve ANY of it. Having this realization, "things" have started having less and less hold on me. I'd rather just have the bare necessities, knowing that others were able to have because of my giving it up.

I guess I've started worshiping the Creator over the created. :) God gives us stuff because He knows that stuff makes us happy. This fallen world just perverts it into making idols out of "stuff" and distracting us from God's good, pleasing and perfect will.

"A big big house, with lots and lots of room. A big big table, with lots and lots of food. A big big yard, where we can play football. A big big house...It's my Father's house." I love that I am ending this post on this song. Another Audio Adrenalin song at that! ("Big House"). I love that I serve a God that loves. A God that extends Grace. A God that is patient. A God that wants only His good and perfect name to be glorified, and not a fallible human to be glorified.

God bless each of you my friends!

There's An App For That!

This morning I went to church and I got there a bit early, so I sat in the congregation (I don't know if that's the right word, but I was sitting in a chair in the audience waiting for service to start), preparing my tithe and, in general, just feeling really good after a season of not feeling happy.

The band comes out, the auditorium lights go down, and I see this person that I assumed was an usher with, what I assumed again, is a flash light, showing some people to a seat right next to me. Awesome! An opportunity to meet someone new! Then all of them, person with the flash light included, all take their places next to me. I then realized that the "flash light" was on the person's phone. There's an app for that!

And that started the wheels in my head turning. Society is moving towards the convenient and instant gratification app system. Need a flash light? There's an app for that! Need to know directions somewhere? There's an app for that! Need a Bible reference? There's an app for that too! Now, I don't have a smart phone, I'm just not that technologically advanced, however I would assume that there is an app for needing prayer.

The one thing in this world that there is no app for is God. A phone can tell you the date, time, what your schedule is, what sports teams are playing, what restaurant is the best, where your friends are.......but it can't tell you what God's will is for your life.

There is no substitution or short cut for quiet time, prayer, reading the Bible, and genuine Christian relationships. Sometimes in my life I forget that, and I can definitely tell when I let day to day busy-ness take over. I lose touch with my real friends, I start exhibiting behaviors that are not glorifying to God, and I second guess who I am and what I need to be doing. That also corresponds to me having a bad attitude, thinking way too highly of myself, and believing that I can do life on my own.

God isn't a vending machine where I ask and receive,
He isn't a bank where I put a card in and money comes out,
He isn't a thing you can put in a box and set on your shelf,
He desires a REAL and GENUINE relationship with YOU!

Yes you! The one that is lost and lonely and scared. The one that messed up, caused other people harm on purpose, drank too much, did far too many drugs, stole from others, and lied. The one that cheated on their significant other, watches porn on a regular basis, and swears like a sailor.

He even wants to know you, the girl who slept with more men than she cares to remember, the girl who dresses in revealing clothing to get attention, all because you feel invisible and like no one will like you if you don't perform for them. GOD wants to have a relationship with YOU! He wants your hurts, and He can take your anger. He doesn't want someone who will perform and be perfect, He wants someone who just wants to know Him for who He really is...gentle, loving, accepting, forgiving, merciful, just, and understanding.

I pray for whoever I just wrote that for. I hadn't intended on going that direction, but if this post touched you, please let me know, either as a comment or through e-mail.

God bless you friends!

Hands and Feet

NEVER underestimate God's ability to use you. Regardless of your physical condition, age, race, creed, social status, size or circumstances.

Tonight, after I posted my last entry, I went to my son's godmother's house to pick up some produce that was delivered to her for me. On my way out to the car, my left foot caught the smallest of cracks and I ended up twisting my ankle. I have done this many a time before, but never quite so close to the starting of sand volleyball season (three weeks away).

I pick myself up off the ground (ended up landing on my back...thank you God for gravity, even if it does hurt from time to time), got in my car and drove to the skating rink to see my family and watch my son skate. At around 8, we packed up and started on our way home. Got to the turn signal where there was a small Volkswagen in front of me and patiently waited since we didn't have a green arrow. The Volkswagen got in the middle of the intersection and then slowly pulled out in front of oncoming traffic. One car, in particular. The person in that car couldn't stop in time. She tried to swerve, but it was too late. She ended up colliding with the Volkswagon, hitting the curb at the corner and taking out a street sign, finally coming to rest on the sidewalk. The VW ended up about 10 feet away from her facing the same direction.

As soon as traffic cleared, I did a U turn and pulled into the gas station at that corner. I get out and survey the two cars. The VW had an elderly man in it and someone was making sure he was okay, so I turned my attention to the other car. In it was a woman and her son. Since I am a single mom and have a heart for moms, I went to her, asked her if she was ok, and asked her if she needed help out. She was able to get out of her own free will. I then turned my attention to her son. He was shaking and crying and dazed.

I got him out of the car and made sure he really was ok, and he was other than the shock of it all. I called the police as I ran to the store and grabbed them water, came back out and got my son out of our car. He didn't quite know what to think about it all. Right then all the emergency vehicles showed up: a fire engine, an ambulance, two police officers, and two tow trucks. Both cars were rendered undriveable. I dare say the VW has seen it's last days.

Since the woman, Geeta, had to talk to the police and the little boy was sitting on the grass by himself, I asked my son to go talk to him. Though there is 6 year age difference between them, I wanted to see how Gideon would react to people in their time of need, and what better way than to start with a real-life experience! So I made sure they were in an area where I could see them easily while I made sure Geeta was okay and also making myself available to the police officers for a statement.

Sure, other people had stopped to look, but they didn't stick around long. I just wasn't about to leave them alone. Being in a car accident is a very scary thing and having someone there to care for you in your time of need can be such a great comfort.

So we stayed. Her son needed to use the restroom, however she was having to be there with the police officers and didn't have time to break away to take him to the bathroom, so I asked her if I could, and she agreed. I can only imagine that she was a little cautious, but given the circumstances, and the fact that I have a young child, she consented and we went.

I gave my statement to the police, the cars were both taken away, and they had a friend come and pick them up. While their friend was on his way, I stayed with them after all the emergency personnel had gone. I told Geeta that I will wait with them to make sure they are okay and taken care of and not feeling stranded.

She said the most amazing thing to me. "You are God in human flesh to me right now. God bless you!" WWWWOOOOWWWW! I didn't think I was doing anything more than having a heart for another human being in their time of need, but I know that my being there for her was EXACTLY what Jesus would have done. I hugged her and even held her from time to time, making sure she knew she wasn't alone and I wasn't going to leave her until she and her son were taken care of.

The funny thing is, she cleaned out her car and had all her stuff in a pile on the ground. She asked if I had a box and, funny enough, I did! I picked up boxes from work today because I am starting the packing process since I'm going to be moving in a couple of months. I had taken one round of boxes in, but had left the biggest box in my car. Not for any particular reason (to my knowledge at the time), I just didn't take the time to take it in. Now I am thankful that I didn't take it out of my car!

I gave her my name, address and phone number in case her insurance company needed it for a statement from me (seeing as how I gave a statement to the police, I knew my name and information would be brought up eventually) and my son and I went on our way.

It impressed my heart deeply with how my son was able to handle the situation. Not only did he get to see an active accident scene and how each agency that arrived had their certain tasks to complete and how well they all worked together as a team, but he showed such compassion and openness to this mother and her child in a time of tragedy. I thanked him for being so open and kind and loving to someone in their time of need and I told him that I was proud of him for the way he conducted himself. His face lit up as he thanked me. He then said, "Thank you for being an awesome mommy!" Such love!!!

So, though I twisted my ankle and couldn't run, God used me, limping and all, to be there for Geeta and her son. I don't have a lot of money, but buying someone water isn't going to break my bank. Please let this be an example to you. You don't have to be rich, skinny, famous, beautiful, or skilled. USE WHAT YOU HAVE to touch the lives around you. God will bridge the gaps!! Don't know what to say? Ask God for the words! He will show up in mighty ways when you make yourself available to be used.

Father God, I thank you for the opportunity you presented me with tonight! Thank you that you used me to be Your hands and feet, even if one of said feet happened to be limping! Thank You for being You, in all your divine glory and power and mercy! God, I want to be used by you! Break my heart wide open, allow me the opportunity to step into other people's shoes and have a better understanding of their life circumstances so I can approach them with love, compassion, caring, and a helping hand. Amen!