Have you ever been frustrated or mad at God? I have. I spent age ten until twenty-five mad at God because He took my grandfather away. Well, that’s what my 10 year old brain processed it as, anyway. My grandfather was the first man I had a close relationship with. It was not that my dad wasn’t in the picture, because he was to a small extent, however he was going to college to become a registered nurse so he could support his family – that being his wife (my mom), my older sister and I.
While my dad was an hour away going to college full-time, my mom worked full time, very long hours, and my grandfather – her dad – would watch us after school. My grandfather and I were very close. He was a loving man, a fair man, and would spend hours cuddling with me when I needed that. On April 1st, 1990, my grandfather went to be with the Lord. He died in his sleep, very peacefully, of a heart attack.
I was a very mad little girl. I blamed God for taking him away from me. Prior to his death, I had dreams of both my dad and my grandfather giving me away at my wedding. When he died, that dream was shattered. He would never meet my children. He would not see me as an adult. And it was all God’s fault.
I now realize how stupid that anger and angst was.
Lately I have been watching “Bruce Almighty”. It is quite a funny movie, even if there is a descent amount of blasphemy involved in the first half of the movie. One of the parts that I keep thinking back to is the part where Bruce is on his way into a giant building that is named “OMNI PRESENTS”. As he is on his way in, he is looking at his surroundings as he walks, not paying attention to where his feet are landing, and he manages to stick a third of his left leg into a hole filled with water. When he pulls it out, he says, “GOD! LOOK! WHAT IS THAT??? What is that????? Gah! Geez! Thank you! Thank you again!” as he is gesturing as though God himself put that puddle there for him to step in.
That makes me wonder how often I do that. How often am I not paying attention and I manage to stick my foot into a pit of mud or water or quicksand, only to look up and blame God for my inability to pay attention. Had Bruce lined up with God’s direction for his life, Bruce would not be in that warehouse district to meet with God to begin with.
That movie also makes me wonder what I would do if I were endowed with God’s powers. From even the smallest amount that I can fathom that – which, I know my human brain is incapable of imagining that kind of power – I know I would not fare any better than Bruce did in that movie. If you have not yet seen that movie, I definitely recommend that you do so. It is pretty funny and it is definitely thought provoking.
I do want to apologize for not posting sooner. This week was the C3 conference at my church and I was being the hands and feet to the best of my human ability, which left me with precious little time for personal anything…like sleep. :)
God bless you in your walk today!