Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Reconciliation and Forgiveness

God is working on me. He impressed on my heart four very specific things during the Flavour Conference: Writing, Reconciliation/Forgiveness, a single mom that I am friends with, and Gossip.

Writing: I attribute that to this blog, however poorly I may write sometimes, I know God has blessed me with the ability to write well when I set my mind to it. When I was 16, I received a President's Award for a poem. I still have pieces of that poem memorized. :) Maybe God has something else in mind for me as far as writing goes, but I'm going to start here and let Him lead me where He will in this regard.

The Single Mom: She is young, her child is younger than mine. I like her because she has a very sweet heart. One of our mutual friends saw me at the conference and pulled me aside and told me that she felt led to tell me that I should come along side this young mother and her young son as a parental mentor. She told me that I am an amazing mother (I love that people think that of me even if there are times I can point out where I am not) and she thought it would benefit this person if I were to help guide her.

This morning I got on facebook messenger and she was on, so I messaged her and asked her if I could give her some of the toys Gideon doesn't play with anymore. She gladly accepted, but then said she would like to get her son and my son together to play. Her son is lonely and needs friends. I can understand that. I felt lonely and in need of friends when I was a child, and to some extent, I still feel that way, but it is becoming less and less.

Gossip: Boy, that's always a big one. There are a few people in my office I don't particularly care for. There is one in particular that I don't like the way she operates. She does her best to stir up hate and discontent whenever she is unsatisfied with herself and that typically causes one of my co-workers and I a good deal of time and emotional disturbance because both of us have to work with her. Regardless of how I feel, God is asking me to step outside of myself and put myself in the one who is stirring up discourse's shoes. I'm trying. This one is still developing. The step I have taken in this is asking my co-worker to not involve me in gossip for the sake of making herself feel better or being hateful just for the hell of it.

Reconciliation/Forgiveness: Probably something that God works on with everyone every single day they have breath. One person in particular that God put on my heart is someone that I had a mentor/mentee relationship with three and a half years ago. I have carried hurt around with the way she abruptly stopped responding to my e-mails (even after me sending her a couple of e-mails with very private information about myself that I had never opened up to anyone about prior to then) for three years. God helped me find a way to forgiveness.

Yesterday, I sent her a message on FB. Nothing overtly profound, but just telling her I forgive her for the hurt I feel she caused. I also told her that it hurt my heart to hear (through a mutual friend) that she has gone through a tough time and that I was praying for her.

The response was not what I expected. She declined knowing that what we had was a mentor/mentee relationship, but apologized for the hurt she caused. Totally not what I expected. I went back and read the last e-mail exchange we had three years ago (sadly, I did keep it, however until today, I haven't ever gone back and read it). From what I could see, the mentorship relationship was there. I didn't know what else to say. I responded and said that I had read our last exchange and that the mentorship relationship was there from what I could see, but I'm thankful that God has brought me to healing and that I would continue to pray for her.

And now I can move forward, sowing the seeds of the past to God so He can bring about a harvest that will make up for all the time lost, hurt, and tears.

I've noticed that the four things God put on my heart during the conference came in quick succession, however I also know that it isn't about being obedient once, it is about CONTINUAL obedience. It's easy to do something once, but doing something over and over again is another story.

I'm curious and intreagued on where God's leading me next...

Have a wonderfully blessed Wednesday friends!

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