Sunday, June 26, 2011

Struggling With Feelings

I'm struggling right now with the feeling of not being good enough. What brought this about? My son. We were on our way home from church and he told me that it upsets him when one of his classmates is always at the end of the line. Why? Because she has earned herself a nickname by the teacher. "Lucy the Caboosey". I asked him if he thought HE has special things about him that others could be jealous of and he said no.

This nearly made me run my car into a telephone pole. Really?!? The kid that will hug anyone and everyone, REGARDLESS of how adverse I might find them? The kid with the thousand watt smile? The kid that will talk to anyone and brings people out of their shells? The kid that can make the million year grumpy looking grandma in the grocery line light up like a kid at Christmas?

That's when my old wounds started surfacing. I asked him if he thought he was good enough just the way he was. He told me no. I literally burst into tears (lucky that telephone pole and I didn't have another near miss meeting) on the spot. I told him that God made him exactly the way he was because this worlds NEEDS someone like him to show them how to love unconditionally.

Through tears, I told him that I grew up feeling like I was never good enough. I do love my parents, but there are things that they did that hurt me deeply. One of those things was to constantly tell me, "You should be more like your sister." That told me that the person that I was, the sensitive, shy, creative person that God made me, wasn't good enough.

So, through my tears, I told him that I NEVER wanted him to EVER feel like he wasn't good enough. God DOES NOT make junk. He made each of us the way we are, with our own special sets of gifts, no two alike, because we each contribute our own abilities to the world. Does that mean we are perfect in the sense that we will never make mistakes? Heavens no!! We all have things we have to work on to get better and more in line with God's plan, but our gifts that we have ARE good enough, and we don't have to walk around being jealous of the gifts that others have simply because we don't have them.

Oh how our children can bring things to the surface that we once thought was buried forever in the past.

I will probably be processing this for a few days, but if you struggle with not feeling good enough, just remember:

God does NOT make junk.
You ARE good enough!
God loves you JUST like you ARE!
There is only one you, and only you can make the impact on the world that God created you to make.

God bless and good night my friends. <3

1 comment:

  1. I still struggle with this idea, and to have to tell my child about it as well...that's tough! I'm so very glad that to read this, though. :) That sweet boy is certainly something special, and it's so good to know he'll grow up hearing it and knowing it! I kinda needed to hear it too, like I'm sure you did as well. :) Thanks for sharing!