After the accident that I witnessed a week and a half ago, I have become more sensitive to traffic, or, more accurately, people's driving. As with most people who are involved in or witness to traffic accidents, I have become hyper-vigilant about making sure I have extra space between me and the car in front of me and making sure I have more than ample room to get through an intersection when I'm turning.
Yesterday, as my son and I were on our way to skating, I noticed several people who pulled out in front of oncoming traffic in order to turn into a business or apartment community. Each time I saw that, I cringed and prayed for them. They all made it to their intended destination safely, but their actions, and mine for that matter, made me think; Do we take as many risks for God as we do with our lives to get somewhere 5 seconds before we otherwise would have?
Pretty much everyone I know, both Christian and non-Christian alike, want to be accepted. They don't want to do something that goes against the grain of society because they are afraid their friends are going to make fun of them for showing that extra measure of kindness to that person that is not seen as someone who deserves kindness, or giving up going out to dinner and instead going out and buying a little girl some shoes whose parents cannot afford new shoes for her.... I could go on, but you get the picture.
I want to be that person that is set apart. So what if I do something that others don't think is "cool"? I want to be more afraid of disappinting God than I am of looking foolish to people around me.
Food for thought. Happy Wednesday and God bless you!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Reconciliation and Forgiveness
God is working on me. He impressed on my heart four very specific things during the Flavour Conference: Writing, Reconciliation/Forgiveness, a single mom that I am friends with, and Gossip.
Writing: I attribute that to this blog, however poorly I may write sometimes, I know God has blessed me with the ability to write well when I set my mind to it. When I was 16, I received a President's Award for a poem. I still have pieces of that poem memorized. :) Maybe God has something else in mind for me as far as writing goes, but I'm going to start here and let Him lead me where He will in this regard.
The Single Mom: She is young, her child is younger than mine. I like her because she has a very sweet heart. One of our mutual friends saw me at the conference and pulled me aside and told me that she felt led to tell me that I should come along side this young mother and her young son as a parental mentor. She told me that I am an amazing mother (I love that people think that of me even if there are times I can point out where I am not) and she thought it would benefit this person if I were to help guide her.
This morning I got on facebook messenger and she was on, so I messaged her and asked her if I could give her some of the toys Gideon doesn't play with anymore. She gladly accepted, but then said she would like to get her son and my son together to play. Her son is lonely and needs friends. I can understand that. I felt lonely and in need of friends when I was a child, and to some extent, I still feel that way, but it is becoming less and less.
Gossip: Boy, that's always a big one. There are a few people in my office I don't particularly care for. There is one in particular that I don't like the way she operates. She does her best to stir up hate and discontent whenever she is unsatisfied with herself and that typically causes one of my co-workers and I a good deal of time and emotional disturbance because both of us have to work with her. Regardless of how I feel, God is asking me to step outside of myself and put myself in the one who is stirring up discourse's shoes. I'm trying. This one is still developing. The step I have taken in this is asking my co-worker to not involve me in gossip for the sake of making herself feel better or being hateful just for the hell of it.
Reconciliation/Forgiveness: Probably something that God works on with everyone every single day they have breath. One person in particular that God put on my heart is someone that I had a mentor/mentee relationship with three and a half years ago. I have carried hurt around with the way she abruptly stopped responding to my e-mails (even after me sending her a couple of e-mails with very private information about myself that I had never opened up to anyone about prior to then) for three years. God helped me find a way to forgiveness.
Yesterday, I sent her a message on FB. Nothing overtly profound, but just telling her I forgive her for the hurt I feel she caused. I also told her that it hurt my heart to hear (through a mutual friend) that she has gone through a tough time and that I was praying for her.
The response was not what I expected. She declined knowing that what we had was a mentor/mentee relationship, but apologized for the hurt she caused. Totally not what I expected. I went back and read the last e-mail exchange we had three years ago (sadly, I did keep it, however until today, I haven't ever gone back and read it). From what I could see, the mentorship relationship was there. I didn't know what else to say. I responded and said that I had read our last exchange and that the mentorship relationship was there from what I could see, but I'm thankful that God has brought me to healing and that I would continue to pray for her.
And now I can move forward, sowing the seeds of the past to God so He can bring about a harvest that will make up for all the time lost, hurt, and tears.
I've noticed that the four things God put on my heart during the conference came in quick succession, however I also know that it isn't about being obedient once, it is about CONTINUAL obedience. It's easy to do something once, but doing something over and over again is another story.
I'm curious and intreagued on where God's leading me next...
Have a wonderfully blessed Wednesday friends!
Writing: I attribute that to this blog, however poorly I may write sometimes, I know God has blessed me with the ability to write well when I set my mind to it. When I was 16, I received a President's Award for a poem. I still have pieces of that poem memorized. :) Maybe God has something else in mind for me as far as writing goes, but I'm going to start here and let Him lead me where He will in this regard.
The Single Mom: She is young, her child is younger than mine. I like her because she has a very sweet heart. One of our mutual friends saw me at the conference and pulled me aside and told me that she felt led to tell me that I should come along side this young mother and her young son as a parental mentor. She told me that I am an amazing mother (I love that people think that of me even if there are times I can point out where I am not) and she thought it would benefit this person if I were to help guide her.
This morning I got on facebook messenger and she was on, so I messaged her and asked her if I could give her some of the toys Gideon doesn't play with anymore. She gladly accepted, but then said she would like to get her son and my son together to play. Her son is lonely and needs friends. I can understand that. I felt lonely and in need of friends when I was a child, and to some extent, I still feel that way, but it is becoming less and less.
Gossip: Boy, that's always a big one. There are a few people in my office I don't particularly care for. There is one in particular that I don't like the way she operates. She does her best to stir up hate and discontent whenever she is unsatisfied with herself and that typically causes one of my co-workers and I a good deal of time and emotional disturbance because both of us have to work with her. Regardless of how I feel, God is asking me to step outside of myself and put myself in the one who is stirring up discourse's shoes. I'm trying. This one is still developing. The step I have taken in this is asking my co-worker to not involve me in gossip for the sake of making herself feel better or being hateful just for the hell of it.
Reconciliation/Forgiveness: Probably something that God works on with everyone every single day they have breath. One person in particular that God put on my heart is someone that I had a mentor/mentee relationship with three and a half years ago. I have carried hurt around with the way she abruptly stopped responding to my e-mails (even after me sending her a couple of e-mails with very private information about myself that I had never opened up to anyone about prior to then) for three years. God helped me find a way to forgiveness.
Yesterday, I sent her a message on FB. Nothing overtly profound, but just telling her I forgive her for the hurt I feel she caused. I also told her that it hurt my heart to hear (through a mutual friend) that she has gone through a tough time and that I was praying for her.
The response was not what I expected. She declined knowing that what we had was a mentor/mentee relationship, but apologized for the hurt she caused. Totally not what I expected. I went back and read the last e-mail exchange we had three years ago (sadly, I did keep it, however until today, I haven't ever gone back and read it). From what I could see, the mentorship relationship was there. I didn't know what else to say. I responded and said that I had read our last exchange and that the mentorship relationship was there from what I could see, but I'm thankful that God has brought me to healing and that I would continue to pray for her.
And now I can move forward, sowing the seeds of the past to God so He can bring about a harvest that will make up for all the time lost, hurt, and tears.
I've noticed that the four things God put on my heart during the conference came in quick succession, however I also know that it isn't about being obedient once, it is about CONTINUAL obedience. It's easy to do something once, but doing something over and over again is another story.
I'm curious and intreagued on where God's leading me next...
Have a wonderfully blessed Wednesday friends!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Hands and Feet
NEVER underestimate God's ability to use you. Regardless of your physical condition, age, race, creed, social status, size or circumstances.
Tonight, after I posted my last entry, I went to my son's godmother's house to pick up some produce that was delivered to her for me. On my way out to the car, my left foot caught the smallest of cracks and I ended up twisting my ankle. I have done this many a time before, but never quite so close to the starting of sand volleyball season (three weeks away).
I pick myself up off the ground (ended up landing on my back...thank you God for gravity, even if it does hurt from time to time), got in my car and drove to the skating rink to see my family and watch my son skate. At around 8, we packed up and started on our way home. Got to the turn signal where there was a small Volkswagen in front of me and patiently waited since we didn't have a green arrow. The Volkswagen got in the middle of the intersection and then slowly pulled out in front of oncoming traffic. One car, in particular. The person in that car couldn't stop in time. She tried to swerve, but it was too late. She ended up colliding with the Volkswagon, hitting the curb at the corner and taking out a street sign, finally coming to rest on the sidewalk. The VW ended up about 10 feet away from her facing the same direction.
As soon as traffic cleared, I did a U turn and pulled into the gas station at that corner. I get out and survey the two cars. The VW had an elderly man in it and someone was making sure he was okay, so I turned my attention to the other car. In it was a woman and her son. Since I am a single mom and have a heart for moms, I went to her, asked her if she was ok, and asked her if she needed help out. She was able to get out of her own free will. I then turned my attention to her son. He was shaking and crying and dazed.
I got him out of the car and made sure he really was ok, and he was other than the shock of it all. I called the police as I ran to the store and grabbed them water, came back out and got my son out of our car. He didn't quite know what to think about it all. Right then all the emergency vehicles showed up: a fire engine, an ambulance, two police officers, and two tow trucks. Both cars were rendered undriveable. I dare say the VW has seen it's last days.
Since the woman, Geeta, had to talk to the police and the little boy was sitting on the grass by himself, I asked my son to go talk to him. Though there is 6 year age difference between them, I wanted to see how Gideon would react to people in their time of need, and what better way than to start with a real-life experience! So I made sure they were in an area where I could see them easily while I made sure Geeta was okay and also making myself available to the police officers for a statement.
Sure, other people had stopped to look, but they didn't stick around long. I just wasn't about to leave them alone. Being in a car accident is a very scary thing and having someone there to care for you in your time of need can be such a great comfort.
So we stayed. Her son needed to use the restroom, however she was having to be there with the police officers and didn't have time to break away to take him to the bathroom, so I asked her if I could, and she agreed. I can only imagine that she was a little cautious, but given the circumstances, and the fact that I have a young child, she consented and we went.
I gave my statement to the police, the cars were both taken away, and they had a friend come and pick them up. While their friend was on his way, I stayed with them after all the emergency personnel had gone. I told Geeta that I will wait with them to make sure they are okay and taken care of and not feeling stranded.
She said the most amazing thing to me. "You are God in human flesh to me right now. God bless you!" WWWWOOOOWWWW! I didn't think I was doing anything more than having a heart for another human being in their time of need, but I know that my being there for her was EXACTLY what Jesus would have done. I hugged her and even held her from time to time, making sure she knew she wasn't alone and I wasn't going to leave her until she and her son were taken care of.
The funny thing is, she cleaned out her car and had all her stuff in a pile on the ground. She asked if I had a box and, funny enough, I did! I picked up boxes from work today because I am starting the packing process since I'm going to be moving in a couple of months. I had taken one round of boxes in, but had left the biggest box in my car. Not for any particular reason (to my knowledge at the time), I just didn't take the time to take it in. Now I am thankful that I didn't take it out of my car!
I gave her my name, address and phone number in case her insurance company needed it for a statement from me (seeing as how I gave a statement to the police, I knew my name and information would be brought up eventually) and my son and I went on our way.
It impressed my heart deeply with how my son was able to handle the situation. Not only did he get to see an active accident scene and how each agency that arrived had their certain tasks to complete and how well they all worked together as a team, but he showed such compassion and openness to this mother and her child in a time of tragedy. I thanked him for being so open and kind and loving to someone in their time of need and I told him that I was proud of him for the way he conducted himself. His face lit up as he thanked me. He then said, "Thank you for being an awesome mommy!" Such love!!!
So, though I twisted my ankle and couldn't run, God used me, limping and all, to be there for Geeta and her son. I don't have a lot of money, but buying someone water isn't going to break my bank. Please let this be an example to you. You don't have to be rich, skinny, famous, beautiful, or skilled. USE WHAT YOU HAVE to touch the lives around you. God will bridge the gaps!! Don't know what to say? Ask God for the words! He will show up in mighty ways when you make yourself available to be used.
Father God, I thank you for the opportunity you presented me with tonight! Thank you that you used me to be Your hands and feet, even if one of said feet happened to be limping! Thank You for being You, in all your divine glory and power and mercy! God, I want to be used by you! Break my heart wide open, allow me the opportunity to step into other people's shoes and have a better understanding of their life circumstances so I can approach them with love, compassion, caring, and a helping hand. Amen!
Tonight, after I posted my last entry, I went to my son's godmother's house to pick up some produce that was delivered to her for me. On my way out to the car, my left foot caught the smallest of cracks and I ended up twisting my ankle. I have done this many a time before, but never quite so close to the starting of sand volleyball season (three weeks away).
I pick myself up off the ground (ended up landing on my back...thank you God for gravity, even if it does hurt from time to time), got in my car and drove to the skating rink to see my family and watch my son skate. At around 8, we packed up and started on our way home. Got to the turn signal where there was a small Volkswagen in front of me and patiently waited since we didn't have a green arrow. The Volkswagen got in the middle of the intersection and then slowly pulled out in front of oncoming traffic. One car, in particular. The person in that car couldn't stop in time. She tried to swerve, but it was too late. She ended up colliding with the Volkswagon, hitting the curb at the corner and taking out a street sign, finally coming to rest on the sidewalk. The VW ended up about 10 feet away from her facing the same direction.
As soon as traffic cleared, I did a U turn and pulled into the gas station at that corner. I get out and survey the two cars. The VW had an elderly man in it and someone was making sure he was okay, so I turned my attention to the other car. In it was a woman and her son. Since I am a single mom and have a heart for moms, I went to her, asked her if she was ok, and asked her if she needed help out. She was able to get out of her own free will. I then turned my attention to her son. He was shaking and crying and dazed.
I got him out of the car and made sure he really was ok, and he was other than the shock of it all. I called the police as I ran to the store and grabbed them water, came back out and got my son out of our car. He didn't quite know what to think about it all. Right then all the emergency vehicles showed up: a fire engine, an ambulance, two police officers, and two tow trucks. Both cars were rendered undriveable. I dare say the VW has seen it's last days.
Since the woman, Geeta, had to talk to the police and the little boy was sitting on the grass by himself, I asked my son to go talk to him. Though there is 6 year age difference between them, I wanted to see how Gideon would react to people in their time of need, and what better way than to start with a real-life experience! So I made sure they were in an area where I could see them easily while I made sure Geeta was okay and also making myself available to the police officers for a statement.
Sure, other people had stopped to look, but they didn't stick around long. I just wasn't about to leave them alone. Being in a car accident is a very scary thing and having someone there to care for you in your time of need can be such a great comfort.
So we stayed. Her son needed to use the restroom, however she was having to be there with the police officers and didn't have time to break away to take him to the bathroom, so I asked her if I could, and she agreed. I can only imagine that she was a little cautious, but given the circumstances, and the fact that I have a young child, she consented and we went.
I gave my statement to the police, the cars were both taken away, and they had a friend come and pick them up. While their friend was on his way, I stayed with them after all the emergency personnel had gone. I told Geeta that I will wait with them to make sure they are okay and taken care of and not feeling stranded.
She said the most amazing thing to me. "You are God in human flesh to me right now. God bless you!" WWWWOOOOWWWW! I didn't think I was doing anything more than having a heart for another human being in their time of need, but I know that my being there for her was EXACTLY what Jesus would have done. I hugged her and even held her from time to time, making sure she knew she wasn't alone and I wasn't going to leave her until she and her son were taken care of.
The funny thing is, she cleaned out her car and had all her stuff in a pile on the ground. She asked if I had a box and, funny enough, I did! I picked up boxes from work today because I am starting the packing process since I'm going to be moving in a couple of months. I had taken one round of boxes in, but had left the biggest box in my car. Not for any particular reason (to my knowledge at the time), I just didn't take the time to take it in. Now I am thankful that I didn't take it out of my car!
I gave her my name, address and phone number in case her insurance company needed it for a statement from me (seeing as how I gave a statement to the police, I knew my name and information would be brought up eventually) and my son and I went on our way.
It impressed my heart deeply with how my son was able to handle the situation. Not only did he get to see an active accident scene and how each agency that arrived had their certain tasks to complete and how well they all worked together as a team, but he showed such compassion and openness to this mother and her child in a time of tragedy. I thanked him for being so open and kind and loving to someone in their time of need and I told him that I was proud of him for the way he conducted himself. His face lit up as he thanked me. He then said, "Thank you for being an awesome mommy!" Such love!!!
So, though I twisted my ankle and couldn't run, God used me, limping and all, to be there for Geeta and her son. I don't have a lot of money, but buying someone water isn't going to break my bank. Please let this be an example to you. You don't have to be rich, skinny, famous, beautiful, or skilled. USE WHAT YOU HAVE to touch the lives around you. God will bridge the gaps!! Don't know what to say? Ask God for the words! He will show up in mighty ways when you make yourself available to be used.
Father God, I thank you for the opportunity you presented me with tonight! Thank you that you used me to be Your hands and feet, even if one of said feet happened to be limping! Thank You for being You, in all your divine glory and power and mercy! God, I want to be used by you! Break my heart wide open, allow me the opportunity to step into other people's shoes and have a better understanding of their life circumstances so I can approach them with love, compassion, caring, and a helping hand. Amen!
Has it really been 2 months!?!?
Yes, it really has. I have been ignoring this site because I have made myself too busy to post. :/ Not exactly following God's request for me to post a couple/few times a week, but I'm back!
Over the last three days (Thursday, Friday, Saturday), I attended the Flavour Conference (women's conference) at my church. On Thursday night, I dropped my son off with my brother-in-law after they offered to take him so that I could enjoy the conference, focus on God, and not have to worry about fussing over him or feeling bad because he was spending far more time in a daycare environment instead of being able to get out and play and run and be a kid.
Well, last week, I came down with bronchitis. Yucky stuff. I'm still feeling the effects of it (lovin' the cough! Ok, not really). Well, on Thursday night, I was feeling VERY bad. I had been coughing for two days straight (couldn't seem to take the right thing to make it go away), my head wanted nothing more than to explode (thus putting me out of my misery...I was open to that idea. I know where I'm going when I die), I was exhausted, and I had been in this cycle of pain that was starting to affect every part of me (seeing that I had to walk up stairs in order to get to my apartment made me cry because my knees were hurting so bad).
So before the conference started, I went to the pharmacy and asked them what I could take to break this up. The pharmacist, a lovely woman, suggested Mucinex D and Advil, so I bought it, took both of them, ate (though I wasn't hungry), and ended up taking myself to the conference.
An hour after I took the medication, I was finally starting to feel the pain that was attacking my body leave!! The speaker that evening was Charlotte Gambill. At first, I didn't think I would like her because she talked so fast and, being from England, had an accent that, while talking fast, made it excessively difficult for me to understand much of anything that came out of her mouth.
But I stayed.
The subject that she taught on (the subject of the conference) was "She went out on a limb and learned she could fly". WWWWOOOOOWWWW!!!! I took notes. I honestly don't remember anything super specific, but after three days of these amazing women of God pouring into me, and not referring back to my notes this very moment, you can only imagine that good note taking skills are necessary so you can "feed" yourself in smaller doses for a long time to come.
As I left, I realized that I wasn't hurting anymore. No headache, my knees didn't ache, my body didn't ache, nothing! Where once exhaustion existed, an ever deeper exhaustion entered. I felt like over-cooked spaghetti. Driving home, I was quite careful so as to avoid any fatigue-related car accidents. I also felt something else: Spiritual Renewal! I hadn't realized that the last week of being ill had not only taken a toll on me physically, but spiritually as well. I felt my fire for God starting to build again!!
So much has happened over the last two months. I have purposefully ignored this blog, but it has never been very far from my mind. I can almost guarantee you that I thought about it once a day. It makes me sad and disappointed in myself for not just getting on and start pecking away at the keys to see what God wanted me to write, but that's what I love so much about God! He will keep after you until you are obedient or He will find someone else to bless through their obedience!
Let me just say, I'd rather be the one He blesses. If He something for me, I'm going to do it, regardless of how I feel. So my journey begins again.
In Him <3
Over the last three days (Thursday, Friday, Saturday), I attended the Flavour Conference (women's conference) at my church. On Thursday night, I dropped my son off with my brother-in-law after they offered to take him so that I could enjoy the conference, focus on God, and not have to worry about fussing over him or feeling bad because he was spending far more time in a daycare environment instead of being able to get out and play and run and be a kid.
Well, last week, I came down with bronchitis. Yucky stuff. I'm still feeling the effects of it (lovin' the cough! Ok, not really). Well, on Thursday night, I was feeling VERY bad. I had been coughing for two days straight (couldn't seem to take the right thing to make it go away), my head wanted nothing more than to explode (thus putting me out of my misery...I was open to that idea. I know where I'm going when I die), I was exhausted, and I had been in this cycle of pain that was starting to affect every part of me (seeing that I had to walk up stairs in order to get to my apartment made me cry because my knees were hurting so bad).
So before the conference started, I went to the pharmacy and asked them what I could take to break this up. The pharmacist, a lovely woman, suggested Mucinex D and Advil, so I bought it, took both of them, ate (though I wasn't hungry), and ended up taking myself to the conference.
An hour after I took the medication, I was finally starting to feel the pain that was attacking my body leave!! The speaker that evening was Charlotte Gambill. At first, I didn't think I would like her because she talked so fast and, being from England, had an accent that, while talking fast, made it excessively difficult for me to understand much of anything that came out of her mouth.
But I stayed.
The subject that she taught on (the subject of the conference) was "She went out on a limb and learned she could fly". WWWWOOOOOWWWW!!!! I took notes. I honestly don't remember anything super specific, but after three days of these amazing women of God pouring into me, and not referring back to my notes this very moment, you can only imagine that good note taking skills are necessary so you can "feed" yourself in smaller doses for a long time to come.
As I left, I realized that I wasn't hurting anymore. No headache, my knees didn't ache, my body didn't ache, nothing! Where once exhaustion existed, an ever deeper exhaustion entered. I felt like over-cooked spaghetti. Driving home, I was quite careful so as to avoid any fatigue-related car accidents. I also felt something else: Spiritual Renewal! I hadn't realized that the last week of being ill had not only taken a toll on me physically, but spiritually as well. I felt my fire for God starting to build again!!
So much has happened over the last two months. I have purposefully ignored this blog, but it has never been very far from my mind. I can almost guarantee you that I thought about it once a day. It makes me sad and disappointed in myself for not just getting on and start pecking away at the keys to see what God wanted me to write, but that's what I love so much about God! He will keep after you until you are obedient or He will find someone else to bless through their obedience!
Let me just say, I'd rather be the one He blesses. If He something for me, I'm going to do it, regardless of how I feel. So my journey begins again.
In Him <3
Monday, March 14, 2011
Passionate
I love playing sand volleyball. I love playing it to an extent that is seriously verging on insanity. I equate this to men who sit around and watch football like it's a religion.
I'm also very competative when it comes to playing volleyball. It's how God made me. I never knew just how competative I was until I discovered sand volleyball and my love therein.
Today I put an e-mail out to my office to let them know that I am starting a team (with most of the team covered because there are a few people I know in my office that love to play as well). I asked who wanted to be on the distribution list for game dates/times and who wanted to play.
Let me just say that a couple of people responded that I'm kinda scared to know how they play. Mostly because, for one person in particular, I know how poorly they play. While that scares me, it is also a challenge to me. I have to learn how to play with people I may not particularly care for and/or who aren't particularly good at it. I have to be able to coach them on how to become better without being rude or ugly.
As much as I may not necessarily be looking forward to learning those lessons, I know I will be blessed for my efforts as long as I ask God to speak through me instead of me taking it on as my own.
My work team is happening Wednesday nights.
This is how much of a nut I am for sand volleyball: I'm also going to be on a team on Thursday nights with my team from last year at church.
Lots of practices to come! I'm so stoked! And I'm heaping praises on God for him providing me the opportunities to coach as well as just be apart of each team.
What are your passions?
I'm also very competative when it comes to playing volleyball. It's how God made me. I never knew just how competative I was until I discovered sand volleyball and my love therein.
Today I put an e-mail out to my office to let them know that I am starting a team (with most of the team covered because there are a few people I know in my office that love to play as well). I asked who wanted to be on the distribution list for game dates/times and who wanted to play.
Let me just say that a couple of people responded that I'm kinda scared to know how they play. Mostly because, for one person in particular, I know how poorly they play. While that scares me, it is also a challenge to me. I have to learn how to play with people I may not particularly care for and/or who aren't particularly good at it. I have to be able to coach them on how to become better without being rude or ugly.
As much as I may not necessarily be looking forward to learning those lessons, I know I will be blessed for my efforts as long as I ask God to speak through me instead of me taking it on as my own.
My work team is happening Wednesday nights.
This is how much of a nut I am for sand volleyball: I'm also going to be on a team on Thursday nights with my team from last year at church.
Lots of practices to come! I'm so stoked! And I'm heaping praises on God for him providing me the opportunities to coach as well as just be apart of each team.
What are your passions?
Friday, March 11, 2011
Forgiveness
That's always a big topic. Forgiveness is something most everyone I know has an issue with giving as well as receiving, which always strikes me as odd because God forgives us instantly when we ask with the right heart. It's difficult for us to accept God's forgiveness because we feel guilty. It's difficult for us to GIVE forgiveness to those that hurt or wrong us because we may not FEEL like forgiving them.
All in all, this forgiveness business is a mess.
I recently found that I was harboring unforgiveness for someone I see at least 5 days a week (at work). For the last couple of weeks, every time we got on a topic where we (clearly) don't see eye to eye or have the same values, I could feel my chest tightening. One day, my right arm started to tingle.
I'm no doctor, but I was raised by a Registered Nurse and I know that that tingeling is not a good sign. This past Tuesday, I went to my women's group at church where we discussed forgiveness. I have walked in the light of forgiveness, in the light of giving it and feeling the relief of it, so I was excited about the topic. The following day, however, when I felt my chest tightening while having a conversation with my friend, I realized that I was holding onto unforgiveness for her.
WOW!
So I simply told her that I just realized that I was holding onto unforgiveness for her, and no I didn't want to talk about it (how many times had we discussed it in the past and only ended up crying and leaving mad? Too many to count...), but I'm bringing it into the light so I can allow God to deal with it.
She was rendered a little speechless. I was as well.
So I started going over the notes from my women's group and came across a couple of things I wanted to post here.
~Forgiving someone is not saying their actions are right or ok, you are simply releasing yourself from the hold that person has on you and giving them over to God.
This reminds me of something I read in "The Shack". A very good book.
~Forgiveness is not just about saying the words, but putting action behind them
~Stop wishing something could have been different in your past.
~Lose the edge in your voice and attitude - the edge of pride. "Well, I forgave that person so I'm better than they are."
No. You. Aren't.
~Choose to not engage in negative conversation. Don't put people down for what they want to discuss, just don't engage or allow yourself to become engaged in a pitty party or angry rant fest.
~Unforgiveness can be one big boulder, but it can also be the little things.
~Your child is not acting like you expect him/her to.
~That dude in traffic that cut you off or tailgated you.
~Your boss didn't say good morning to you.
~Your coworkers don't appreciate anything you do...
Through out all of that, I was wondering something. "HOW do I forgive?" Well, I have notes on that too!
GRACE!
G: Give it to God. Your problems may be bigger than you, but they certainly aren't too big for God!
R: Remember you have been forgiven.
A: Accept God's teaching. What is God trying to teach you through all the negativity? It can be difficult to see through all of that to see the goodness of God, but it's there.
C: Capture your thoughts. Whenever a negative thought comes to mind, even the ones that won't let you go no matter how much you try to push it away, capture it! And don't just capture it, but find a scripture focus that you can replace it with that is the complete opposite of what that negative/bad thought is. (I may start posting some of the ones I use to get me through the negative thoughts that bombard me.)
E: Experience Freedom. When you have overcome the negative thoughts and the negative people, and have truly forgiven those in your life that have hurt you, you will feel a weight drop off of your shoulders that you may well feel like you could float.
I can tell you, from recent personal experience, that just knowing that I was holding onto unforgiveness for my friend and giving the situation over to God helped me feel like some huge weight had dropped clean off me. The thing about it is that my unforgiveness isn't just a matter of one thing, it's three YEARS of built up crud that I need to work on. Every day I ask God to reveal something about it to me, and, you know what? He never fails to do just that. I have a better understanding today on why exactly I was holding onto a grudge than I did the day I discovered I had it.
One last note before I let this Friday roll.
Forgiveness is not based on merit, it is based on GRACE.
Have a wonderfully blessed weekend my friends! In Him <3
All in all, this forgiveness business is a mess.
I recently found that I was harboring unforgiveness for someone I see at least 5 days a week (at work). For the last couple of weeks, every time we got on a topic where we (clearly) don't see eye to eye or have the same values, I could feel my chest tightening. One day, my right arm started to tingle.
I'm no doctor, but I was raised by a Registered Nurse and I know that that tingeling is not a good sign. This past Tuesday, I went to my women's group at church where we discussed forgiveness. I have walked in the light of forgiveness, in the light of giving it and feeling the relief of it, so I was excited about the topic. The following day, however, when I felt my chest tightening while having a conversation with my friend, I realized that I was holding onto unforgiveness for her.
WOW!
So I simply told her that I just realized that I was holding onto unforgiveness for her, and no I didn't want to talk about it (how many times had we discussed it in the past and only ended up crying and leaving mad? Too many to count...), but I'm bringing it into the light so I can allow God to deal with it.
She was rendered a little speechless. I was as well.
So I started going over the notes from my women's group and came across a couple of things I wanted to post here.
~Forgiving someone is not saying their actions are right or ok, you are simply releasing yourself from the hold that person has on you and giving them over to God.
This reminds me of something I read in "The Shack". A very good book.
~Forgiveness is not just about saying the words, but putting action behind them
~Stop wishing something could have been different in your past.
~Lose the edge in your voice and attitude - the edge of pride. "Well, I forgave that person so I'm better than they are."
No. You. Aren't.
~Choose to not engage in negative conversation. Don't put people down for what they want to discuss, just don't engage or allow yourself to become engaged in a pitty party or angry rant fest.
~Unforgiveness can be one big boulder, but it can also be the little things.
~Your child is not acting like you expect him/her to.
~That dude in traffic that cut you off or tailgated you.
~Your boss didn't say good morning to you.
~Your coworkers don't appreciate anything you do...
Through out all of that, I was wondering something. "HOW do I forgive?" Well, I have notes on that too!
GRACE!
G: Give it to God. Your problems may be bigger than you, but they certainly aren't too big for God!
R: Remember you have been forgiven.
A: Accept God's teaching. What is God trying to teach you through all the negativity? It can be difficult to see through all of that to see the goodness of God, but it's there.
C: Capture your thoughts. Whenever a negative thought comes to mind, even the ones that won't let you go no matter how much you try to push it away, capture it! And don't just capture it, but find a scripture focus that you can replace it with that is the complete opposite of what that negative/bad thought is. (I may start posting some of the ones I use to get me through the negative thoughts that bombard me.)
E: Experience Freedom. When you have overcome the negative thoughts and the negative people, and have truly forgiven those in your life that have hurt you, you will feel a weight drop off of your shoulders that you may well feel like you could float.
I can tell you, from recent personal experience, that just knowing that I was holding onto unforgiveness for my friend and giving the situation over to God helped me feel like some huge weight had dropped clean off me. The thing about it is that my unforgiveness isn't just a matter of one thing, it's three YEARS of built up crud that I need to work on. Every day I ask God to reveal something about it to me, and, you know what? He never fails to do just that. I have a better understanding today on why exactly I was holding onto a grudge than I did the day I discovered I had it.
One last note before I let this Friday roll.
Forgiveness is not based on merit, it is based on GRACE.
Have a wonderfully blessed weekend my friends! In Him <3
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Moving On
I promise I haven't ignored this site on purpose. A LOT has been going on since I last posted...oh boy...where to start.
I'll start with what I originally started with: The Guy. I'm just going to call him Guy from here on out. Saves me time and trouble (and protects his identity and preserves his privacy).
So, after the "break" that ultimately lasted a little over three weeks (I asked him to contact me when he thought he was ready to talk again), Guy e-mailed me. He said he had discussed "us" with his mentor and his mentor said that Guy should be more focused on God and his walk and getting through the divorce and working out all the emotions that go with that instead of dating. Guy said that his life was boring and lacking in color without me and he wanted me back.
How divided my heart was. I'll be honest, it was nice to hear that. Everyone wants to be missed. Instead of jumping on that chance, I talked to my mentor who is just absolutely amazing. It never fails that if I really need encouragement and pointed in the right direction, this woman is the one to do it. She rarely asks me how I feel (not because she doesn't care, but in matters of bigger picture things - like Guy and direction for my life - they really don't), but she asks me, "Have you prayed about it? What has God told you?"
So I discussed the Guy issue with her over lunch the same day I got the e-mail and she pointed me to God. She told me what she thought would be best for my life and my walk, told me to keep seeking God's desires (by then I had already known that God wanted me to walk away from Guy, but my fleshly desire was to keep him).
The one thing she said that gave me ultimate comfort for my soul is this: "Regardless of what you choose to do, I'm not going anywhere. You are my sister in Christ and I love you and I'll be here for you no matter what." I walked away from that lunch DETERMINED to be obedient to God.
God wanted me to stand up for my principles and values. God wanted me to walk away so He could work on Guy. God showed me that, if I made the decision to take him back, my whole life would be in ruin in three years.
I have never stood up to a guy for my principles and values. I have never walked away from or said no to any guy who has said what Guy said to me in that e-mail, but, most of all, I know I didn't want to destroy what God has so graceously provided for us all for a man.
I wrote him back. I will post what I wrote simply because they are my words and I'm giving myself permission. I will not post what he wrote to me because I do not have his permission. We are no longer in contact. I know that obedience was definitely the right way to go. It hurt because I am your typical average woman who wants a man in her life, but I'm not willing to sacrifice myself for it any more. God is in control. If Guy is not the man meant for me, then God has someone better in mind who is willing to love God more than he loves himself and do things God's way.
Without further ado, my response:
Guy,
I really appreciate your e-mail, but...
As much as I do miss you and care about you, after a lot of prayer and talking to a couple of different people - both of which know my heart and know you aren't a bad guy - I think that I would do you a huge disservice if I consented to getting back together with you.
I can tell you are still hurting from where life has you right now. Me being in your life may feel right, right now, but ultimately, I would hurt your growth more than I would help it.
A lot has gone on in my life over the last 25 days. God has really helped me to understand why the relationship with you was important to my life - because you are one of the best guys I have ever dated. But He has also shown me why it had to end. In His eyes, you are still married. I've been going through a process of lining up my life with what God has for me, and being in a relationship with a man who is still married is not a part of that plan. Being sexually active before marriage is also not something that is lining up with my walk.
As hard as it was for me, over the last 25 days, I have been praying for you. I have been praying that you start the process of grieving for the marriage that is lost as well as your children no longer living with you. I can't imagine how difficult one of those is, let alone both at the same time. I have also been praying that your relationship with Christ grows stronger.
You so clearly seperated me and church in your e-mail. Without church, there is no me. I volunteer as much as I do because that's where God has my heart. I have met some of the most amazing people while serving and I wouldn't give up any of that for a man/woman relationship. I need a man who is active in church to some degree. I need a man who has strong convictions about being the leader of his household. Though you are a leader, and that is totally what drew me to you, there are things that I can't fathom giving a child the option of - like going to church or not - simply to make them happy. I don't always do what makes Gideon happy, but I do what is right. That "right" to me is going to church and allowing him to see me serve my heart out. I'm not his friend, I won't always make him happy, but I love him unconditionally and I lead him to the best of my ability and leave the rest up to God.
I prayed about staying friends with you. I didn't know if that was even an option, but, honestly, I'm not strong enough to set those boundries. We have a past. You were my greatest weakness. Even when I wanted to tell you, "No, I can't see you tonight because I'm exhausted," I didn't. I couldn't tell you no, which is why this e-mail is so difficult for me to write.
I am who I am because of God. I am colorful and outgoing and loving and caring and nourturing because of God. I agree with your mentor. You need to focus on God right now. You need to seek His guidance and be obedient to that. Obedience is something I struggle with because, as you well know, I love physical touch and I really liked the way you touched me, but I can't be the band aide that makes you feel better now for my own happiness. All that will do is make the future that much more difficult on both of us.
This doesn't mean that you can't come back to me in a year and ask me out to lunch, if you have any inclination to do so. What I would like to see for you is the divorce being finalized and you in or having gone through a divorce recovery program and your relationship with God be closer and stronger because of the storm you whethered. I know that this year is my year to grow and align myself with God. It hasn't been easy, and I've even given God an earfull of just how much I think it sucks, but it's for the better. His plan always seems to be better.
I hope you understand where my heart is and why I have had to make this decision. I will continue to pray for you because I know the road ahead is not going to be easy. I hope this isn't good-bye forever, but if it is, I pray that what God has for you in your future is amazing beyond your ability to imagine.
In Him
~Brandy
I'll start with what I originally started with: The Guy. I'm just going to call him Guy from here on out. Saves me time and trouble (and protects his identity and preserves his privacy).
So, after the "break" that ultimately lasted a little over three weeks (I asked him to contact me when he thought he was ready to talk again), Guy e-mailed me. He said he had discussed "us" with his mentor and his mentor said that Guy should be more focused on God and his walk and getting through the divorce and working out all the emotions that go with that instead of dating. Guy said that his life was boring and lacking in color without me and he wanted me back.
How divided my heart was. I'll be honest, it was nice to hear that. Everyone wants to be missed. Instead of jumping on that chance, I talked to my mentor who is just absolutely amazing. It never fails that if I really need encouragement and pointed in the right direction, this woman is the one to do it. She rarely asks me how I feel (not because she doesn't care, but in matters of bigger picture things - like Guy and direction for my life - they really don't), but she asks me, "Have you prayed about it? What has God told you?"
So I discussed the Guy issue with her over lunch the same day I got the e-mail and she pointed me to God. She told me what she thought would be best for my life and my walk, told me to keep seeking God's desires (by then I had already known that God wanted me to walk away from Guy, but my fleshly desire was to keep him).
The one thing she said that gave me ultimate comfort for my soul is this: "Regardless of what you choose to do, I'm not going anywhere. You are my sister in Christ and I love you and I'll be here for you no matter what." I walked away from that lunch DETERMINED to be obedient to God.
God wanted me to stand up for my principles and values. God wanted me to walk away so He could work on Guy. God showed me that, if I made the decision to take him back, my whole life would be in ruin in three years.
I have never stood up to a guy for my principles and values. I have never walked away from or said no to any guy who has said what Guy said to me in that e-mail, but, most of all, I know I didn't want to destroy what God has so graceously provided for us all for a man.
I wrote him back. I will post what I wrote simply because they are my words and I'm giving myself permission. I will not post what he wrote to me because I do not have his permission. We are no longer in contact. I know that obedience was definitely the right way to go. It hurt because I am your typical average woman who wants a man in her life, but I'm not willing to sacrifice myself for it any more. God is in control. If Guy is not the man meant for me, then God has someone better in mind who is willing to love God more than he loves himself and do things God's way.
Without further ado, my response:
Guy,
I really appreciate your e-mail, but...
As much as I do miss you and care about you, after a lot of prayer and talking to a couple of different people - both of which know my heart and know you aren't a bad guy - I think that I would do you a huge disservice if I consented to getting back together with you.
I can tell you are still hurting from where life has you right now. Me being in your life may feel right, right now, but ultimately, I would hurt your growth more than I would help it.
A lot has gone on in my life over the last 25 days. God has really helped me to understand why the relationship with you was important to my life - because you are one of the best guys I have ever dated. But He has also shown me why it had to end. In His eyes, you are still married. I've been going through a process of lining up my life with what God has for me, and being in a relationship with a man who is still married is not a part of that plan. Being sexually active before marriage is also not something that is lining up with my walk.
As hard as it was for me, over the last 25 days, I have been praying for you. I have been praying that you start the process of grieving for the marriage that is lost as well as your children no longer living with you. I can't imagine how difficult one of those is, let alone both at the same time. I have also been praying that your relationship with Christ grows stronger.
You so clearly seperated me and church in your e-mail. Without church, there is no me. I volunteer as much as I do because that's where God has my heart. I have met some of the most amazing people while serving and I wouldn't give up any of that for a man/woman relationship. I need a man who is active in church to some degree. I need a man who has strong convictions about being the leader of his household. Though you are a leader, and that is totally what drew me to you, there are things that I can't fathom giving a child the option of - like going to church or not - simply to make them happy. I don't always do what makes Gideon happy, but I do what is right. That "right" to me is going to church and allowing him to see me serve my heart out. I'm not his friend, I won't always make him happy, but I love him unconditionally and I lead him to the best of my ability and leave the rest up to God.
I prayed about staying friends with you. I didn't know if that was even an option, but, honestly, I'm not strong enough to set those boundries. We have a past. You were my greatest weakness. Even when I wanted to tell you, "No, I can't see you tonight because I'm exhausted," I didn't. I couldn't tell you no, which is why this e-mail is so difficult for me to write.
I am who I am because of God. I am colorful and outgoing and loving and caring and nourturing because of God. I agree with your mentor. You need to focus on God right now. You need to seek His guidance and be obedient to that. Obedience is something I struggle with because, as you well know, I love physical touch and I really liked the way you touched me, but I can't be the band aide that makes you feel better now for my own happiness. All that will do is make the future that much more difficult on both of us.
This doesn't mean that you can't come back to me in a year and ask me out to lunch, if you have any inclination to do so. What I would like to see for you is the divorce being finalized and you in or having gone through a divorce recovery program and your relationship with God be closer and stronger because of the storm you whethered. I know that this year is my year to grow and align myself with God. It hasn't been easy, and I've even given God an earfull of just how much I think it sucks, but it's for the better. His plan always seems to be better.
I hope you understand where my heart is and why I have had to make this decision. I will continue to pray for you because I know the road ahead is not going to be easy. I hope this isn't good-bye forever, but if it is, I pray that what God has for you in your future is amazing beyond your ability to imagine.
In Him
~Brandy
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